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I am not willing to throw $40-60 out the window on her shoes all the time.

Then don't. Make her wear the shoes after you fix the back or if you feel you must buy replacement ones, get ugly (but functional) ones that are cheap. Shoes are A LOT less than $40 at Kmart.

Make them pay for stuff. If it's their money getting wasted, they'll start caring. If their favorite dvds are scratched, too bad. They can live without them or spend their own money on replacements.
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