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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 947  
Subject: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/10/2004 9:42 AM
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it takes effort not to drink, its easier just to drink

~V~

<not drinkin but wants to>
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Author: 220lillie Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 859 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/10/2004 10:23 PM
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Hey V,

This is my very first post, you said it was safe here. I never post anything because most people are so brutally rude(honest). I just quit drinking again on 2/20/04 and I wants to drink everyday like I've done for the past ten years. But I ain't gonna today. I wish you luck!

DJW

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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 860 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/12/2004 3:22 AM
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This is my very first post, you said it was safe here. I never post anything because most people are so brutally rude(honest). I just quit drinking again on 2/20/04 and I wants to drink everyday like I've done for the past ten years. But I ain't gonna today. I wish you luck!

I am quite rude here too! BUT no-one is gonna preach the good preach to you or try and rope you into AA here! Best of luck to you too

~V~

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Author: brendan65 One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 861 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/13/2004 6:30 AM
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V
You do know what AA is! I must confess, I reckon the best thing that ever happened to me was when an AA friend gave me the big book the second time I was in jail going nuts about how I was going to get things together. It set me on a course of actions. But I think the next best thing was when the same friend gave me a bunch of tapes of some really funny drunks with messages. I learnt far more from those tapes than the big book. I learnt that you need to have a sense of humor when you are dished with a big spoon of AA. Having a sense of comic helps you ride out the shitty days.

I found a couple of months of AA meetings were about as much as I could stand. I got sick of people talking about stopping drinking. I was more interested in talking about how excited I felt and how much I enjoyed living after drinking. I stopped going to the meetings but I keep rigidly fixed on the doctrine. Take your eyes off the ball and get ready for the fall...

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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 862 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/14/2004 7:41 AM
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You do know what AA is!

Well, kinda

I found a couple of months of AA meetings were about as much as I could stand. I got sick of people talking about stopping drinking

Thats why it would not be a good idea for me, I get bored even of myself talking about it!

~V~



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Author: brendan65 One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 863 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/16/2004 1:06 PM
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Hi V and others,
In my last post I wrote these words:

'I found a couple of months of AA meetings were about as much as I could stand. I got sick of people talking about stopping drinking... '

I better clarify my statement so that you don't make the mistake in thinking AA can't help you. I apologize if I mislead any of you. I'm sorry this post is very long but I think the seriousness of the subject matter warrants it. The seriousness of a misworded comment is that for many of us alcoholics it does not take much encouragement to give up our sobriety and slip off the wagon. I once was able to imaginatively twist something I had heard on an AA tape and justify to myself that I COULD drink! I learnt big time from that one! Of those of us who slipped, the lucky ones (including myself), were able to pull ourselves back on the wagon before we lost everything, including our own lives or our sanity.

My AA experience in Japan
I found the AA group in my city in Japan was not what I really needed. Even though I am fluent in Japanese I found it difficult to express myself well and I found the group dynamics were a little too stuffy for me. I think at times many of them thought I was nuts. I was, but, you know, in a humorous way. People would rarely speak what they really felt, or so it seemed to me. Also, I found out that some of the members were talking about what people said in group to people outside of AA. That's a big AA no-no, not to mention a pretty lousy thing to do. True, some of the stories you hear a damn amusing! but they are stories you should just chuckle to by yourself. So I felt I had to be careful of what I talked about. That seemed to me to negate many of the benefits of having the group in the first place. I stayed with the group attending meetings nearly every night for a few months. When I was able to start teaching University again I found I had much less time to get to the evening meetings. Apart from a closed women's meeting Monday lunchtime I did not have many choices to continue going.

After a while I helped set up an English speaking group with a couple of friends. But that only lasted a couple of months because of my increasing workload. So I decided to set up my own program. I had a great sponser (an AA member with 28 years of sobriety) who supported me and whom I could contact anytime and talk about anything with. I also knew that if I was not coping then I could attend the regular meetings again. I then set out finding out all I could about how AA works and I armed myself with lots of AA related literature which I read over again and again. I borrowed tapes which I would listen to when I was at home alone and driving in the car. It was my permanent BGM. I also went through all the steps of the program as best I could. I took my time about it, too. And I made sure I understood fully every step before I went on to the next. There are a lot of tapes made by speakers who can help you understand the steps better. many of them are quite funny which certainly makes them easier to listen to. Recently, I have found a very understanding partner (not an AA member but a woman who does not drink) whom I have talked about my problem with in painful detail and who supports me all the way. I guess she has a vested interest in keeping me sober. I have discussed the condition with all my friends and family and I keep them abreast of my progress. Everyone is very supportive.

I pop in every once in a while to meet my regular group AA friends. It's usually a cheerful occasion as I am so happy to see them well and they feel the same way about seeing me, too. But often there are empty seats where someone used to sit. And I would find out that so-and-so is in jail, or so-and-so is back in the mental hospital after a week long bender and might never be getting out, or so-and-so had not been coming to meetings and had died alone during a binge. It saddens me greatly to hear that kind of news, but it also hardens my resolve to never drink again. That's when I know I need my program more than ever.

Here are 2 AA facts. The AA program has been around for 70 years and the AA program is one of the most used tools for treating alcohol and drug addiction in rehabs, prisons and mental hospitals throughout the world. If there was a listed AA stock then I would buy it! There are groups every where and the growth rate is soaring and there is no debt.

Here is the point that people seem to find the hardest to believe about the AA program. The most important thing to remember is that stopping drinking is NOT the goal of AA. The goal of AA is to help us enjoy living happy and fruitful lives without having to feel we need to blur out the bad bits or highlight the good bits with alcohol. Close to 90% of the program is all about getting our twisted lives back into shape AFTER we stop drinking. Only the first step of the twelve step program deals with stopping drinking. All the rest deals with eliminating the reasons we use to drink. But unless you are willing to work through all of the steps your chances of winning against alcohol are slim to none. There are no quick fixes or shortcuts. Very few people can make it without a program of recovery and even fewer can sustain long term recovery.

The cruel irony of sobriety is that in the beginning you will feel the pain MORE acutely because you now no longer have alcohol to block out the pain. Now that sounds like a bum deal to me. I stopped drinking because I could not bear to feel the pain anymore and now I feel it even more because I am sober! But that is where the AA program comes in and gives us hope. The program helps you get your life back on track. It helps you to deal with the CAUSES of your pain. For a very long time, physically I felt great but emotionally I felt as if I had been hit by a train. I was depressed for a very long time.

V. I don't know very much about you as you write very little. You do have a sense of humor which I think is important in recovery. There will always be something that will bring you down but if you can shrug it off with humour you can cope with it better. I know that is what you are doing now. I have gathered that you are in pain and that you want to do something about it, but you don't quite know how to get started. You are happy that you have stopped but you wonder why you don't feel better for it. More importantly, I feel that you may be very close to slipping again unless you can get past that first step and start working on being happy. There is comfort in that everyone feels that way in the beginning and please feel assured that if you get into a 12 step program (i.e. AA) then you will begin to feel the changes as you progress. You will find the downs seem to grow shorter and they seem to be more manageable.

Always remember there is hope that you can live a very happy life with all the ups and downs without booze. And even if you can not see it now, that hope is just a little way off and you need to start moving towards it, if you have not already. Stopping drinking is just the first step. The important steps you need to take to gain happiness are before you. As you progress down the road of recovery you will experience more and more of life that perhaps you thought you would never have the opportunity to see or feel. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life because of the AA program. And the best thing about it is that I feel I have only just begun. There is so much more for me to enjoy.

Best of luck to all of you and take care of yourselves.

Cheers,
Brendan




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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 864 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/16/2004 4:30 PM
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As always brendan your posts are greatly interesting.
I do not doubt that AA would work for some, maybe even me, but that is not happening now, like I said this place ain't for preachin or converting, theres another board for that.
I write very little right now for several reasons, I have been very very very busy recently, I am in a bad place right now - nuff said, I am feeling overwhelmed at how many odd posters have suddenly turned up at once and I am not sure who is genuine and who is what we would call a doppel or a troll, and I just don't want to be very open right now, if you ask me a question and I don't answer, it means I don't wanna talk about it. I am also not a very friendly person here and my normal persona on the boards is friendly, don't take offence, it ain't personal, this is where I come to vent my spleen if you like.
Friday night and not a drop in the house, hell thats depressing!

~V~

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Author: brendan65 One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 865 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/16/2004 8:23 PM
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Well. I'm am just the sort of person who feels obliged to offer help when driving past a car wreck. I just feel bad if I keep on driving. If you don't want help then I do not take offence in rejection. I just hope that you know that people do care about your pain and that they will help if you want it. Anyway, I am off to work.

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Author: 220lillie Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 866 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/17/2004 4:16 AM
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I am feeling overwhelmed at how many odd posters have suddenly turned up at once and I am not sure who is genuine and who is what we would call a doppel or a troll,

Most alcoholics like myself are very sensitive, self-centered people who always assume that others are talking about them. I hope that I am not causing any problems by posting here and can assure you V that I am genuine in my concern. I'm also struggling with life without a way to make everything go away. Brendan has a lot of good advice about living sober and I've experienced some of the same feelings in the past. I was in AA for 4 1/2 years, worked the steps with a sponsor, and had lots of fun and made great friends. However, there came a point when I couldn't admit to myself anymore that I was powerless over alcohol and even harder was to try to swallow that my life was no longer manageable. I remember talking to my sponsor about this and he just laughed and said that I should do what the big book said, and try some controlled drinking. I was scared as hell to "go back out" because of the fear of never being able to return. Needless to say, I did go back out and it only took about 10 years of drinking more and more to seek help. Sorry for such a long post, I could go on and on for days. I'd be glad to tell you more if you're interested, but I really want you to believe that we're both fighting the same battle. 57 days now and life's still crazy, but a little better.

Danny

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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 867 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/17/2004 5:16 PM
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I just feel bad if I keep on driving.

Your posts are good, feel free to post 'em, just don't think I will always be nice about stuff here, is all I am saying, its nothing to do with you, just me being a grump, which I feel I get to be right now

If you don't want help then I do not take offence in rejection.

I am glad

~V~

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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 868 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/17/2004 5:19 PM
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I hope that I am not causing any problems by posting here

Anyone can post here, just like I say don't always expect me to be nice, thats not why I come here.
Good post

~V~

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Author: delighted Big gold star, 5000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 869 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/17/2004 9:05 PM
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The demon drink
A little alcohol can be good for you. But, collectively, our drinking habits are seriously damaging our health. Can public-health officials promote the message of moderation? Helen Pearson investigates.
http://www.nature.com/nsu/040405/040405-9.html

;o)

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Author: brendan65 One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 870 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/18/2004 5:26 AM
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Danny. I think it's great that you are posting. Please keep on doing so. I really hope that more of you reading these messages will do so.

I particularly want to hear about how people are coping in a sober world like I am. I am sure we can all get something out of a post if we tell our stories. But we have to keep in mind that if we focus on only the negative we can not help but feel bad. I sure do. So I propose that for every drinking story (usually bad) we try and include an UP story or comment to help us feel like there is hope. No matter how trivial it might seem- there must be something good happening out there to someone.

I think that there should be no fear of receiving a negative remark or worse still, an insult, if we are just telling our stories. I directed part of my post to V and I expected a response and most likely a rebuff. That's okay with me.

I had a dream last night that I was with my partner and I took a few gulps of sparkling wine by mistake. I was so shocked that maybe this was the start of the end! I remembered the glare my girlfriend gave me. Luckily it was just a dream. But now that I think about it I remember being at a dinner function a couple of months ago where I was drinking barley tea and I picked up a glass of beer totally out of habit. The smell of the beer snapped me out of my lapse of concentration. I am glad to say that I have not had even a sip of alcohol for 9 months.

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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 871 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/18/2004 8:40 AM
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well, at least I don't smoke....

;-)

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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 872 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/18/2004 8:42 AM
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we try and include an UP story or comment to help us feel like there is hope.

Hmmm, I may have to think a while on that...........

~V~

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Author: brendan65 One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 873 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/19/2004 8:18 PM
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I doubt if anyone ever drinks because of the health benefits. But I know that a lot of people will probably feel better about drinking than they did before. I drank because it made me feel good and I felt better able to communicate with people after a few (usually alot) drinks. In the last year I went out a few times with friends who had drank too much and I could not believe how terrible the conversation became. I don't really care if people around me drink. It's up to them to decide if they want to or not. But recently I don't go out as I don't find it very much fun when everyone gets tanked up. A few drinks over dinner for anyone besides me does seem to liven things up.

I am concerned though to see TV programs like Wild On which glamorize binge drinking and partying as the cool thing to do. But I guess I am just growing old...

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Author: 220lillie Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 874 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/19/2004 11:50 PM
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we try and

Don't you hate when someone tells you a contrarian view to something and it sticks with you forever. An english teacher I had in high school would always tell us that we should not say "try and", we should should say "try to". Think about it. Also heard that being in AA would ruin my drinking forever. It did.

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Author: brendan65 One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 875 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/20/2004 3:55 AM
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Just as Paul from AA said, "Alcoholism is a virus. You go to AA meeting and you catch it and it stays with you forever".

I really hate spelling. I still have to say the rythme 'i before e except after c'. It sucks when students pull me up for misspellings. I just say it's creative writing.

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Author: delighted Big gold star, 5000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 876 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/20/2004 9:56 PM
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Cutting back on drinking could be helped by slapping on an 'alcohol patch', say US researchers who are planning trials of a drug to combat alcohol cravings.

The skin patch was originally developed to help people quit smoking. But one of the drugs it contains, mecamylamine, appears to curb the desire for alcohol as well as that for tobacco.

http://www.nature.com/nsu/040419/040419-2.html

;o)



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Author: freespirit317 Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 877 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/20/2004 11:41 PM
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Lady V
Sorry I have not been around for a while. Been very ill but the doctors did not kill me this time. Growing old really sucks!!
Getting off the pain drugs can be a very real problem. Just have to go until it wares off feel much better now. Then had to reorganize my stock portfilio the market is insane!!
I see you have a lot of new friends. All have good suggestions to be considered. You and I share a common direction our own way. I'm not here to preach the good preach (to quote the lady v ) But I will relate a short story.
I tried the AA program for a couple of months and found I had very little in common with the people in several clubs. Being a functional alcholic I had kept a good job, had no DUI's, never been in jail, and most of my friends never knew there was a problem. But there was a serious problem. So I just could not relate to the continual stories at the AA meetings. I thought now what am I going to for support system? Then it dawned on me that I WAS THE SUPPORT SYSTEM. With the information from AA it was up to me to solve this problem. Sure I slipped and stumbeled a few times but I was able to look at each one and understand why. That is where the new begining came from. After 16 years of being sober I guess it worked for me. The whole point of this is to look at what help is available and decide which one best suits your needs. This may mean trying several different methods to find the one best suited to you and that one will work for you. But (allways the but) it is YOU that must provide THE WILL POWER TO STOP DRINKING.
Well it is late now and I must have my beauty sleep.

I see a lot of independance in you and that is the kind of person that usually makes it to the sober world. So says my shrink. Be happy

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Author: brendan65 One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 878 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/21/2004 3:15 AM
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I have found that there are as many kinds of alcohol addiction as there are alcoholics. We each have to find what works for us. I have always been independant in my approach to anything so I found attending group to be a little uncomfortable.

After saying that, I still think that your best chance of beating this thing is to get into the AA program. That will usually mean going to meetings. For some people it will mean going to meetings until the day they die. For people like me, until you get a good grasp on how to work the program without active participation in regular meetings. No matter how academic you are it will take some time to truly understand how the steps work and it is easier for us to have others helping us along the way. The great thing about the AA program is that it can actually be very flexible in how you do the program, but not in doing the steps. It does not work if you skip certain steps because you don't want to do it. Any two people can make a meeting. In fact, I regard this noticeboard as being a meeting. I can communicate with others who have the same goal. It is also a time when I can think about 'how I am doing'.

I think the worse thing you can do is to roam around the house all night, gnawing on the furniture, thinking about having the drink you can't have. Eventually your will power is going to give up on you. I found whenever I got into that state of mind I put on an AA tape or read some literature. The other thing was to go to a meeting and drink some coffee and listen to some stories. I always hated going but I also felt better leaving the meeting. As they say, "A drunk alone is in bad company". Don't just sit there thinking about it take a positive step and do something.



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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 879 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/22/2004 12:22 PM
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one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all.....

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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 880 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/22/2004 12:24 PM
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Lady V

Flattery will get you everywhere, I am such a sucker!

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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 881 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/22/2004 12:25 PM
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Been very ill but the doctors did not kill me this time.

Good to hear you are still with us

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Author: DoIExist Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 883 of 947
Subject: Re: I cannot be bothered Date: 4/22/2004 12:38 PM
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gnawing on the furniture

I should try that, maybe furniture tastes better than alcohol

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