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Author: pacigirl Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 42338  
Subject: Re: Long: Pregnant w/ MIL trouble Date: 3/30/2004 12:07 PM
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I certainly think you have every right to stand up for yourself in your own home. But I'm not sure what you mean by "respect my position and place in his life". Does she criticize you to your face? Is she passive/aggressive?

I asked DH to read everyone's responses to get some feedback from him. So, we've discussed this a bit more.

I don't think MIL has a problem with me, Pacigirl. I think she has a problem with the role of wife--any other woman that takes her place in his life. I don't want to be his mother, just his wife, but she has overstepped many boundaries in their relationship over the years. DH and BIL said that she has never liked or accepted any girlfriend, so, I am not shocked that she doesn't care for me either. Years ago, MIL came to DH with personal issues that made him uncomfortable. He asked that she confide in her husband instead of him. Their relationship has been extremely strained for about 6 years since that discussion took place.

She does not criticize me directly. Every interaction is passive agressive, which makes confronting her very difficult. When she is confronted, she denies any wrong intention and then blames it on DH or me. The distance between us makes these confrontations awkward, because DH does not want to confront over the phone.

The most recent interaction was this weekend. A few months ago, I asked her to read a few of the baby/parenting books that we have read and are planning to follow, so that when she came to visit she would not be suprised by what we were doing. I even gave her a copy to read. She basically seemed uninterested with no intention of reading them.
Then a friend of hers suggested a different book (on attachment parenting and co-sleeping) with an opposite philosophy as the books we are interested in. DH thanked her for the suggestion, but told her that we were not interested in this philosophy. Now, she is all of a sudden interested in pursuing the books we have read (not as an educational view), but to engage in a game of undermining the philosophy we are planning to try. DH told me to be prepared.

I just don't have the energy to argue with her on how we plan to raise our child/children. I don't think the visits will be that frequent, but I am becoming less passive as time goes on.

Thanks for your input. I do appreciate all of your advice.
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