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Hello everyone,

My name is Kerri. I am not a drinker, however My husband was an alcholic. I am heavily into the quit smoking board and I will quit smoking in 6 days, 4 hours, 4 minutes and 34 seconds.

I say he 'WAS' alcholic because now he is dead.

I would like to tell this story to you as I have searched in ways of telling it to people that would understand. Not for sympathy but probably still on a selfish note to help with the grieving.
Councillors are OK, but I believe that unless you actually live something, you never totally absorb the impact. There are some things that you just can't fully understand or learn from reading out of a book, or hanging up a diploma.

Anyhow, I will keep this as brief as possible.

My husband & I met in 1991. On our first outing we went to a club and it was almost immediatly I 'pick up' on him being alcoholic and he was up front with me telling me he was into his 12th year of sobriety.
He didn't attend AA meetings anymore but went to church every sunday and said his serenity prayer to his Higher Power. I still have that wonderful prayer with me
Time dealt us with some temptation from time to time but we were strong enough to fight back.
I won't go into the detail, so cut a long story short, we seperated in 1998 of which was going to be a 12 month trial.
During this time, my husband couldn't fight the demons. Oh, yes!! he won the odd battle but the wicked witch got under his skin, controlled his mind and turned him into another person.
That other person would call me at late hours accusing me of all kinds of things obviously coming from a drunken fantasy. The next day I would recieve an appology. I started losing respect for him, he should know better. I was blind toward the desease and just heard the words.
Yes it is true that a drinker does pick up where they left off, whether it is a week, a year or 25 years, like my husband.
On the 10th of May this year at 5 minutes to midnight my husband called me. I thought "Damn, here we go again" so I didn't take the call.
The next day I recieved a call from his brother which was to turn my life around........
"Allan was dead" he hung himself in the early hours of the 11th May 2001. I am going to have to live with this for the rest of my life.
Would I have made a difference if I picked up the phone???
I feel angry and Oh so very sad. I feel confused and have many questions.
I did however find out that he had been up the Golf Club drinking the night before and the police found some empty bottles of beer in the kitchen.
The contents of those bottles killed my husband. Made him irrational. The devil won!!!

Well, I will leave it there.
Thanks for listening, and please, I beg anyone of you that perhaps let your guard down and think you can "control Drink" FORGET IT!!!
Alcohol destroys families and pride.One's too many and two's not enough.
Who wants to live like that...........OR DIE LIKE THAT!!!!
Allan was one of the most beautiful people I have met in my entire life.
It is all such a shame and a huge waste of a good man.
I have learnt a lot but if that's what it takes to learn another lesson in life, It SUX.

Happy Sobriety everyone
Your Higher Power is always beside you, all you have to do is call.

Take care

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