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I understand not wanting to move away. And unlike some of the other posters, I don't think you should. Friends/Family are invaluable when you are stressed out, and "forcing" the move could make the whole family resentful.

BUT...
If this is one of your "must have" items, then you need to make cuts/sacrifices elsewhere. It's not an option to stay there and make minor tweaks to the budget.

The car and driving into NYC every day? Probably has to go...
Private school? May have to go...
Keeping the house vs. renting? May have to go...

You get the idea.

I think you AND DH need to get together to align on your goals and needs, and then start slashing everything that doesn't immediately support those shared goals.
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