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Author: TMFMia Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 44390  
Subject: Re: Abusive relationships Date: 7/18/2000 4:02 PM
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I was in an abusive marriage for 12 years. My daughter and I had to leave state and hide from him, completely starting over to be free. I've been divorced for three years now and my daughter and I have a much better life.

I felt compelled to answer your questions.

I have a few questions to ask
Why people get into them?

I don't think anyone decides to. I just found myself in that situation, it happened gradually.

Once they are in them why do they stick to it?

I stayed because I was married. I took a vow before God. I had a child and she deserved a family, a home, security. We had that.

I stayed because I worked hard to have a nice home, a good life. I didn't want to throw that away.

I stayed because he was my husband and he really could be a good guy.

I stayed because he had already been abandoned. There are reasons why people abuse. That was one of his.

I stayed because I didn't want to hurt him. He needed me.

I stayed because you just don't leave these people. They often find you and sometimes you're lucky if you live to regret it.

I stayed because I couldn't pay the bills on my own.

I stayed because my grandmother told me I made my bed and now I had to lie in it.

I stayed because I had no place to go.

(I'm sure I could go on and on)

What keeps them from fighting back or walking out?

Fighting back? I tried that. He was bigger and stronger and fighting back just made him madder and meaner. I eventually started positioning myself where I wouldn't get knocked into anything and just waited it out. That was the safest way. He would be through quicker and the damage would be minimized.

What are ulterior motives behind sticking to an abuser?

see above
The people who have a history of getting in abusive relationship, why do they do it?

Abusers are often very charasmatic people. They can suck you in before you know what happened.

I have one question and answer to add here.

Why did I finally leave?

I didn't want to die. I wanted to live.
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