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Author: xtn Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 308881  
Subject: Re: Bankrupt or try to 'gut it out'? Date: 10/31/2012 4:43 PM
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I'm going to make this very simple. Would you like to change your situation? Or would you like things to keep going on like they are forever? No no no... just pick one. Those are your only two choices. If you would like to change your situation, do the following:

1. Reduce your internet service monthly costs from $90 to $25 or less. If your options do not include a package for $25 or less, then you just cancel the service and do without. Your wife doesn't like it? Tough crap.

2. Reduce your cell phone service monthly costs in the same manner, or do without them. Your wife doesn't like it? Tough crap.

3. Tell your wife Yes, you do want her to get raped and killed cleaning some psycho's house. Tell her it's either make more money, or remove herself from the expense category of your household. She can have her internet and phone back when she earns more.

4. Do the grocery shopping yourself. With a list. With matching coupons. Don't have the energy? Tough crap. I'm a low energy person too, but I do what needs doing. Grow up.

5. Take the daughters out of expensive activities. Nobody likes it? Tough crap.

6. Stop buying books. Don't like it? Tough crap. (I know, you've already done this one. Just making the point and trying to be even with the tough love I'm throwing down by mention you too.)

7. If you haven't missed a payment and maintain a decent credit score... AND you get your cash flow situation fixed by implementing the above steps... then perhaps you will be able to refinance your mortgage(s).

No all of the above is harsh and controlling, and I'm sure your wife is going to notice. Tell her this: "I'm really sorry for how much this sucks, and I'm really sorry for how it's going to make you irreparably mad at me, but it's my job as your husband to make sure you can be happy in the long term. I'm sorry your stuck with me, but I want to make your future with me tolerable, so I'm doing this stuff to insure we can afford our house for the next fifteen years worth of payments. I'm doing it to make sure we can afford to give our daughters college, or inheritance, or a get-out-of-jail ticket, or whatever it is they might need as they grow into adults. I'm doing this for us. If you don't understand and won't get on board, I'm sorry. But I'm doing it anyway. It's my responsibility to take care my wife and my kids, and I'm sorry I didn't have the backbone to do it before and lead us into the place we are now in. But I'm doing it now, and I'm getting us out of this financial black hole and getting us stable and into savings mode. My books was the worst offender, and I've already fixed that leak. Now we're going to fix the rest."

Tell her that... verbatim. Don't mess it up. And then follow through with it. If she doesn't like it... tough crap.

xtn
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