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Author: chkNYC Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 58635  
Subject: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 1:37 PM
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I keep telling myself that. I know that I'm not. But for the last three weeks I have been eating like crazy and not exercising. THREE WEEKS. I won't go near a scale.

Lots of "stuff" going on. Don't need to go into here but I am the emotional eater personified. Happy, I eat; sad, I eat; angry, I eat; lonely, I eat; busy, I eat, etc, etc, etc.

So I haven't been lurking here.

But - with the snow here in NYC today allowing me to spend more time at the puter, I'd been reading some posts here to try to get back the great feeling I had when I was walking to work every day, etc. (Took a cab 3 out of 5 last week - at least I walked twice!)

But I will start again tomorrow to try to walk every day and to cook more (been bringing stuff in) and to take more care about why I eat, never mind what I eat. I have also dug out my pastels so that I can do something when I'm at home and bored. And I bought a few light-reading books for the same reason. I also made a list of friends to call who I haven't spoken to in a long time (and don't have e-mail!)

I will forget about the last 3 weeks and take this one day at a time. I will, I will, I will!

Christina, thanking you all for listening
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Author: Raggmopp Big funky green star, 20000 posts 10+ Year Anniversary! Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4368 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 1:51 PM
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I will forget about the last 3 weeks and take this one day at a time.
===*===

WHOOF! All the bad juju of the last three weeks has just been eliminated [we 12th level DragonFighters can do this] and you may move on unimpeded. Feel better?

Time, though it has direction knows not up nor down, left or right, just then, now and will.

YodaMopp

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Author: chkNYC Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4369 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 2:30 PM
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WHOOF! All the bad juju of the last three weeks has just been eliminated

Thank you, Raggmopp, ur, I mean YodaMopp. That'll help.

Christina

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Author: makfan Three stars, 500 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4371 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 2:39 PM
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Christina,

{{{{{Christina}}}}}

You are right, you are NOT a bad person. We all go through periods like this. I have been in one for a few months now.

I'm going to start posting a weekly tip that I found in Prevention magazine. I hope you find some of them useful.

Just look at today as a fresh start, and don't beat yourself up over the past.

Mike

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Author: TDMENEUF Big gold star, 5000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4382 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 5:50 PM
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I will forget about the last 3 weeks and take this one day at a time. I will, I will, I will!

Christina, thanking you all for listening


Don't forget them, embrace those 3 weeks as a learning experience. Examine them, figure out why you went off so much and learn from it! Don't ever not lurk here and any time you need a shoulder or anything, hollar! That is why we are here!

Deannda
You can and you will succeed this time!

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Author: chkNYC Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4385 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 6:00 PM
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Don't forget them, embrace those 3 weeks as a learning experience.

Deannda,

I have been trying to learn all my life about why I eat as much as I do. I know that I am an emotional eater and I have tried many of the tricks suggested here. But I find that I get into that "I don't give a flying ______" attitude and those evil dragons take over. Telling me why I deserve that big dish of pasta or the hamburger and fries. Telling me I shouldn't deprive myself. And all that sort of stuff.

Everytime I think I have found a way to avoid the dragon, it comes back stronger. So I am now trying to accept the fact that I can't avoid it. I have to deal with it - everyday and all the time. Every time I open my mouth to eat, I have to think: why am I eating? Am I hungry? Or am I bored, happy, sad, _____ (fill in the blank with any emotion).

So that is why I don't think of the last 3 weeks as a learning experience but rather as a period to forget. Trite as it might sound: tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.

Christina

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Author: TDMENEUF Big gold star, 5000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4387 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 6:09 PM
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Everytime I think I have found a way to avoid the dragon, it comes back stronger. So I am now trying to accept the fact that I can't avoid it. I have to deal with it - everyday and all the time. Every time I open my mouth to eat, I have to think: why am I eating? Am I hungry? Or am I bored, happy, sad, _____ (fill in the blank with any emotion).

So that is why I don't think of the last 3 weeks as a learning experience but rather as a period to forget. Trite as it might sound: tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.


That doesn't sound trite at all. But it does sound like you could use the support of a real group. Someone you can call up when you start to feel those dragons winning. Someone who has possibly won the battle already. Do you have any friends that you could buddy up with and be a in your face type supporter? We can only do so much on line, and if you don't come in to read the posts, then we can do nothing.

I have fought those same dragons as you, the "Why bother?" attitude, "I'm going to die sometime anyway, might as well be happy while I'm doing it!" But that will get you nowhere fast and you could use a real person there with you.

Deannda
Email me, I'll send you my number, you can call me when the dragons come back.



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Author: Parkway Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4389 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 6:52 PM
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You are definitely not a bad person!

You're doing all the right things to work on those emotional eating habits. Sounds like you've got a bit of a Pavlovian thing going on, so reconditioning your responses to emotions is really going to pay off. Happy? Play loud music. Sad? Drink a big glass of water. Angry? Come rant on this board. Lonely? Call someone. You've got the idea.

But about this "bad person" thing...

<rant>
Even if you eat like crazy and never exercise for the rest of your life, that won't make you a bad person. I suppose it would make you an overweight and probably unhealthy person, but last I checked, that was an entirely different thing. Sure we'd all like to be more healthy/fit/slim/whatever, but your integrity, your frienships, your creativity, and a million other aspects of your life are much better karmic measuring sticks than your weight.

In my opinion, self-hate isn't a very good tool for nudging us toward healthier habits, mostly because it leads inevitably toward self-sabotage ("I'm a disgusing pig anyway, so I'll just eat the entire pint of Ben & Jerry's and SO WHAT!"). Positive emotions will get us a lot farther - pride in our big and small successes, curiosity about nutrition and fitness, creativity in fighting our dragons, friendships on this board, and so on.

One of the things I picked up from this board was shifting my thinking away from good and bad behavior and more toward thinking of each action as a choice. Sometimes I make unhealthy choices, but with each healthy choice, I make it easier to continue making helathy choices. At first I was mentally putting "choice" in quotation marks as kind of a goofy euphamism, but over time it really has helped me acknowledge mistakes without throwing in the towel.

A final comment on postive vs. negative thinking and language: it's much more effective to communicate in postive terms than negative terms. It seems obvious, but start listening to how insidious that negative phrasing is. "Remember" is better than "Don't forget. "I'd like grilled swordfish for dinner" (oooh, that does sound good) is better than "I shouldn't eat xxx" (don't want to give any of you dangerous cravings with a real example :-)). Start thinking of all the great healthy things that you like to eat instead of the unhealthy things you're gradually eliminating.
</rant>

Anyway, Christina, I know that your reaffirmed resolve to take this one day at a time will help you fight the dragons. And when it gets tough, just come on back here for a hit from YodaMopp's stash of Dragon-B-Gone.

- Parkway
Who may not post often, but who posts too much when she does post

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Author: chkNYC Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4390 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 7:02 PM
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Deannda and Parkway:

thank you both for your great posts.

I have to admit, Parkway, that I had fogotten about the danger of negative words and the power of the positive. Thanks for reminding me. BTW - you don't post too much!

And Deannda, I may just take you up on that offer. I have one good friend that I am going to try that with first. But if she isn't willing or can't, I will let you know. Thank you so much. You don't know how much your offer means to me.

Christina, looking left and right over her shoulder for those dragons as she types

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Author: Beejayw1 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4393 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 7:54 PM
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Do you have any friends that you could buddy up with and be a in your face type supporter? We can only do so much on line, and if you don't come in to read the posts, then we can do nothing.... you could use a real person there with you.

It sounds as though Deannda and the rest on this thread have reached a sort of resolution here, but I'll toss this in for what it's worth:

Overeaters Anonymous

I don't know a lot about them, except that they are a spinoff of Alcoholics Anonymous and the various other groups inspired by them. I have heard that they have done a los of good. I'd be surprised if they didn't have a chapter in NYC and the surrounds, and/or may be able to point in the direction of in-person support groups.

One more comment about the group here: the support offered here - in between some often terrible bouts of humor ;-) - is genuine and valuable. So everyone here gets a pat on the back.

Beej (who has been inspired to do more exercising through this board)


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Author: beccapooka Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4394 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 8:11 PM
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Overeaters Anonymous
-----

I have a friend who swears by overeaters anonymous. It follows the exact same 12 steps as the other anonymous and is basically about a change in attitude and one day at a time. Worthwhile stuff to think about even if you don't go to meeting.

Rebecca


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Author: HelenMcMillin Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4395 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 8:14 PM
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Parkway: It is *not* too much. I enjoy your posts very much. You have good things to say.

Rebecca, baby, you have entirely too much to do. I'm sorry I'm not there to help you. I think you need a good mother close by.

Deanndra: I was in therapy for about 3 years many years ago and it was quite painful, but worth every minute. At least I found out why I continued to make *unhealthy* choices and a lot of other very valuable info about myself. I have been a much happier, more contented person. I know you will gain much. I will keep good thoughts for you.

Raggmopp: I just love reading your posts. You are a real *hoot*. Plus you also have some good ideas.

I'm *catching up* with all the comments I've thought of for awhile.

Helen

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Author: Windowseat Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Feste Award Nominee! Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4398 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 8:56 PM
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Everytime I think I have found a way to avoid the dragon, it comes back stronger. So I am now trying to accept the fact that I can't avoid it. I have to deal with it - everyday and all the time. Every time I open my mouth to eat, I have to think: why am I eating? Am I hungry? Or am I bored, happy, sad, _____ (fill in the blank with any emotion).

Christina, I understand this one completely. One thing I've found that occasionally helps is offering a delay. Sort of a, 'well, I won't have this, instead, on Saturday I'll have some ice cream,' kind of attitude.

This doesn't always help, but I often find that if I know something is coming further along in the week, I can stave off the craving for now, and better one small bowl of ice cream than a daily helping of those fried onion rings I always smell on my way home.

Nancy
Haven't check the vote lately - semi-official board auntie


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Author: greet Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4414 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 10:07 PM
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Christina, thanking you all for listening

Yo, Christina!
That's why we're here...we're Fools Fighting Fat!
There are no toothpick people here. Only folks who have challenges with eating the most healthful amount of food for our particular bodies. (Boy, that politically correct sentence nearly tied my brain into a pretzel...)or, in other words, folks who eat too much or exercise way too little. I personally, am too short. My weight is perfect. For a woman almost seven feet tall...
Oh well, don't kick yourself around so much, please, and God knows you don't have to apologize to us, we've been there, done that.
It's kinda funny, but I'm not having such a hard time with the "all or nothing" thinking that accompanied other weight loss attempts in the past. I'm looking at it as an intention to lose weight and gain my health over time. The hardest part of losing weight is to get your mind set to do it, and I don't know how to force it. People do it when they're ready to, and I don't know how to get ready; it just happened. It may be that I'm scared of getting diabetes; I'm at high risk, but I'd like to put it off as long as possible, and losing weight will help me. And I don't want to be disabled by a stroke due to high blood pressure.

My husband was bemoaning the fact that his "calorie bank" was so far in the hole--meaning he ate more than his allotment (by a little bit) several days in a row.
He said, "I'll never get it back to where it should be!"
I said, "Don't worry about what happened in the past. Just work on today. That other stuff doesn't matter."



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Author: greet Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4415 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/9/2000 10:09 PM
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And I hit the "submit" button before I was ready, so that was kinda abrupt. Oh well.
Hang in there, Christina, the past three weeks doesn't matter; it's gone. Fluff. Nothing. Today matters, and tomorrow. No kicking yourself in the butt allowed!

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Author: NaggingFool Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4430 of 58635
Subject: Re: I'm not a bad person Date: 4/10/2000 12:33 PM
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Parkway-

I just want to tell you what a great impact your post has had on me.

I just read your post. I'd been having an unhappy morning for reasons I can't entirely figure out, but stress, not eating great, and not sleeping well all factor in. I was eating lunch and reading TMF when I came across your post about using substitutes for "good" and "bad".

This post was like the straw that broke the camel's back -- in a good sense! All of a sudden my mood lifted. Everything seemed in perspective again.

In addition to reminding me not to think of my eating as good or bad behavior, you greatly improved my mood right now.

Thank you!
-Megan

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