I'm not sure what kind of advice you're looking for. Coping techniques? Ways to get her to change her behavior? Her feelings?

I don't know the answer to this, but I appreciate hearing your story. I think DH is trying to have some sort of relationship with her, but I am not sure how that is working. When we were dating, I was the one who suggested visiting her. And, this past Christmas, I was the one who forced us to visit for the holidays, because I think family is really important. I am very close to my family and I wanted the same for him. But, these visits have been disastrous.

DH and I have come to an agreement, that we will avoid discussing her and her input, for the most part. We tend to get our marriage into a bad place when she comes up. He agrees with me and my criticism much of the time, but doesn't want to rock the familial boat. He and BIL say, "She's been like this all their life, so she will probably never change." That answer is unacceptable to me. My general feeling is that if she can not respect my position and place in his life, then she is not welcome in our home. DH thinks that is way too final, but MIL has pushed me to this point several times. And, I feel I need to stand my ground.

But, I don't want to get bitter about this. I just want things to ease up between us.