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Author: Zen1212 Two stars, 250 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 58635  
Subject: Introspection Date: 8/15/2003 12:22 AM
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I'm being a little introspective tonight. So you'll pardon me if this gets too long. But as I've been reading through this board the last couple of days, a lot of personal emotional stuff has been coming up for me. For the first time in my adult life I find myself single. I was married for 9 years and after a brief period of being alone my then girlfriend and I decided to live together. That recently ended after 5 years. So here I am single, almost 40 and 120 pounds overweight,(those numbers aren't going to win anybody the lotery) I go into the gym or into a bar and I feel completely invisible.

So I sit here thinking…How the heck did I do this to myself? And more importantly WHY? I think a big part of it is my own insecurity. 120 lbs is good enough padding to hide behind and it's a great scapegoat for why you aren't so popular or why this or that isn't going well. I'm not big on dwelling so I'm not going to torture myself with this. But often the difficulty in losing weight isn't the food or the eating habits, it's losing what we get from the excess weight. Whether it's a momentary solace or a built in “portable scapegoat” that goes with you wherever you go. Or if I'm no longer that big loveable joker, who the heck will I be? Little by little I've stopped doing things I enjoy: going to the beach, riding my bike, hiking, etc. and all along I've blamed my overweight body. I don't introduce myself to the attractive woman at a bar or at Starbucks because well, I'm overweight. And I haven't done two things that I've always wanted to do…learn to surf and learn to scuba. I've always joked that for me to do those things I'd need a Greenpeace escort. LOL

So, why am I ranting tonight about this? Well, because I've made a decision, to not only lose weight, and re-double my commitment to that. But I will no longer put my life on hold until the weight is off. Life is what happens every moment while we wait for things to be perfect. I will no longer wait. It's time start now. So Saturday, after my morning weigh in and workout…I will be going to the beach and enjoying the sun. I live in San Diego darn it, I should engage in sun worship like everybody else! As far as the rest goes, it will all happen when the time is right. For now I will take this time alone to be good to myself and live…perhaps once I start doing that someone might want to share in that.

Sorry about the length but I was being introspective and I wanted to share.

Roberto
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