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Things are feeling like "mud" because it seems that all my efforts - like moving through regular space and air - feels incredibly heavy and fatiguing, as if, maybe, I had to move through a muddy space. And I have the physical and mental sensation of moving as slowly as sometimes things seem to fly by (but I'm also very speedy in many ways, but in that unfortunately sort of manic-style of mine).

I haven't posted on TMF in so long, other than a recent post (with no responses) on the credit card board which was mostly an update.

The last few months have been a struggle, some days better than others. At home and socially, dealing with a lot of the usual mess as well as the heat.

In recent days, I have finally managed to have my bankruptcy petition papers filed and the court appearance is Friday, 8/26. There have been related financial and legal matters, but the good thing is that the bankruptcy filing puts a "stay" on most of these things, or at least have a direct impact on it all.

Currently I'm worried about whether I will get my August monthly social security check because of the currently stonewalling in the government debt crisis negotiations. That's where the 'good' unintentional aspect is as far as my recent bankruptcy filing comes into play as my creditors cannot ask for money, etc., but I would rather pay my current accounts (rent, utilities) that end up falling behind again.

Also I'm obviously worried about buying groceries and other necessary daily or weekly needs. This month, I ended up being approximately $150 in the whole because one of the kids who had stayed with me (long story, I think I posted it somewhere on TMF) ended up coming back and I didn't have the heart to couldn't kick her out until I finally got fed up with her and ran out of grocery money. She came two days *after* I got my July check and I've been living on the kindness (and personal loans) of friends since then. My bank accounts now have $2.57 combined and I pumped an old 'friend' for the $18.21 that she owed me (I got $18, I'm happy with that).

I have some bright spots, but I'm going to post this as a reply to my own thread.

Lois Carmen
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