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It is by the grace of God that I wasn't born blind. I have vision in one eye and macular degeneration in the other. I can identify with you not having the home and other things you want out of life. Not because of my vision, but because I am bipolar.

My life has been one endless rollercoaster of changing moods, chaos in work and in relationships and revolving door entries into mental hospitals because I, too, felt I would never have the kind of job or home or relationships I wanted. I was almost forty before I married a gentle man who seemed to be the first to understand and to be willing to endure my illness and its impact on family members. Now, because of this man (I am a widow now) there is a special place in my heart for widows and widowers and bipolars and yes, people who are blind.

Because you appear to have a very fine mind (many blind people are born with multiple disabilities) you have the opportunity to be a beacon for others who suffer from blindness. I know it sounds hokey to talk about helping others but there is a great catharsis and satisfaction from doing so, from seeing faces light up because someone gave them a bit of hope, perhaps, or just brightened their day by giving them the greatest gift you can give another person--your time.

You did'nt mention how you became blind or at what point in life you became so. I am curious about that.

Don't rule out not having at least some of the things you want. Save money, don't stop that, and start with baby steps. All of us here have our dreams and once you give those up, as you sound like you might have done, no wonder you contemplate ending your own life at times. But there are answers for you and I hope you can look beyond the box and see that things are not so hopeless.

Are there support groups for the blind in your area? Why not start one?

Are there success stories of others with disabilities who made some of their dreams come true? Find them and find out how they did it.

I know blind people who have done this and who live highly satisfactory lives and are content with the fact that they will never drive a car, for example. One of these is a sound engineer who is blind and makes a heckuva good living producing CD's for musicians in our home town, Austin, Texas.

Also consider the fact that there are people who are much worse off than you are. I have a very good friend who works at a local school for the blind and who has spoken of clients who are practically non-functioning because they are, as mentioned, multi-disabled. There are blind people who volunteer there who derive a good deal of satisfaction from this activity. Again, there is the gift of time.

Once you learn to look outward at this sweet old world you live in, you will begin to see the possibilities for you.And they are many.

I know this is rather long but your post touched my heart tonight and I felt compelled to respond and hopefully be of some help.


Cathy "Cat"
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