MEAL TIME ON EL-ALIt was mealtime during a flight on El-Al."Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front."What are my choices?" Moishe asked."Yes or no," she replied.THE PARKING SPACEMoishe is driving in Jerusalem. He's late for a meeting, he's looking for a parking place, and can't find one.In desperation, he turns towards heaven and says: "Lord, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I'll eat only kosher, respect Shabbos, and all the holidays."Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him. He turns his face up to heaven and says, "Never mind, I just found one!"PHILANTHROPYA visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the MoscovitzAuditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named afterChaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?" "No," replied the guide."It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer.""Never heard of him. What did he write?""A check", replied the guide.CHANUKAH STAMPSA woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. Shesays to the clerk "May I have 50 Chanukah stamps please.""What denomination?" says the clerk.The woman says "Oy vey...my god, has it come to this?Okay, give me 6 orthodox, 12 conservative and 32 reform!"THE CITIZENSHIP TESTSaul Epstein was taking an oral exam in his English as a Second Language class.He was asked to spell "cultivate," and he spelled it correctly. He was thenasked to use the word in a sentence, and, with a big smile, responded:"Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home."THE MEZUZAHSA wealthy Jewish man buys a fabulous home in Beverly Hills.He brings in a local workman to decorate the place.When the job is finished, the homeowner is delighted but realizes that he'sforgotten to put mezuzahs on the doors. He goes out and buys 50 mezuzahs and asks the decorator to place them on the right hand side of each door except bathrooms and kitchens.He's really worried that the decorator will chip the paint work or won't putthem up correctly. However, when he comes back a few hours later, he seesthat the job has been carried out to his entire satisfaction. He's sopleased that he gives the decorator a bonus.As the decorator is walking out of the door he says, "Glad you're happy withthe job. By the way, I took out all the warranties in the little boxes andleft them on the table for you!"MOISHEMoishe Goldberg was heading out of the Synagogue one day, and as alwaysRabbi Mendel was standing at the door, shaking hands as the congregation departed.The rabbi grabbed Moishe by the hand, pulled him aside and whispered thesewords at him: "You need to join the Army of God!"Moishe replied: "I'm already in the Army of God, Rabbi."The rabbi questioned: "How come I don't see you except for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?"Moishe whispered back: "I'm in the secret service."
Good jokes, and worth a rec (which I gave you), but I have a question about this: except bathrooms and kitchens What rav paskens that you don't need a mezuzah on a kitchen door?
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