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Author: JETHROnELLY Three stars, 500 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 1955518  
Subject: just humor Date: 9/11/2005 4:23 PM
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The joke below just struck me as humorous. I don't necessarily fall on any particular side of the social or political side of anything written.


************************************************************

HISTORY LESSON


History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small
bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains
during the summer & would go to the coast & live on fish & lobster in
winter

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
& the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
Liberals & Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker & less
skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
for the nightly B-B-Q's & doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal
men eventually evolved into women.

Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives
provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also
bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone
who works productively outside government.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern" the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most
of the Liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to
America.


They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.


jNe
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