Kerri,Forgive me for butting in from the QS board, but I just have to say something here. It sounds to me like you and your mother are barely on the same planet. If she has issues that prevent her from meeting you even half-way in spite of all your efforts, I think that it may be a long long journey to arrive at the same place. For you at the present, it seems like a dangerously unhealthy environment to be living together. - Just my opinion, Kerri, and of course I have no real knowledge of the vast number of things that have brought you to this point. I also realize that economically it may not be remotely feasable to separate, but I feel if there is ANY way to be at arm's length from your mother, distance is more likely to result in better progress than togetherness will, under the conditions you have described. I wish you could summon up some semblance of a "me first" attitude, because I feel that you need it now to save yourself. You seem to be too readily placing yourself on the edge.In another post you asked *what is so wrong with killing yourself*. - I'm not going to beat around the bush, Kerri, - I frankly don't think it is wrong if you have a good enough reason, - like terminal cancer, physical anguish that can never end, - but if I have learned anything in my 72 years on this earth, suffering enough tragedies and a few suicidal moments of my own, - I have learned that NOBODY knows what comes after this life - they may think they know, but they cannot know, and the only thing we can be sure of, is what we leave behind in the minds and hearts of those we love. That is the only thing that will give our having been here at all any meaning. You can not take yourself into the unknown, without leaving those who love you with terrible pain, helplessness and guilt, and I can't believe you want that as your legacy. You are a beautiful, youthful, compassionate woman, with a marvelous wit and many many talents, with potential you haven't begun to dream of. These are gifts to savor and respect for as far down the road as your body was born to take you.And you know you don't want to leave your old dog. You would be ending his life too, because you belong to him, and he can't understand death.I apologise if I have presumed too much. Please, just know that we care.catfyre
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