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Author: AAAAmanda Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 65403  
Subject: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 8:51 PM
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Here's the thing. I like kissing. A lot. It's not a prelude to a better activity, it's an end in itself.

I've decided that in my next relationship, if the guy can't make my toes curl, I'm moving on to the next one. Shallow, but I've decided that in this one area, I want to be shallow. I can be the open-minded in other areas, I just really miss being kissed well.

So my question for the guys is, under what circumstances would you accept a girl kissing you and then walking away. Or, kissing you (serious lip lock), and then hanging around, but making it clear that she wasn't going to jump into bed with you in the next 20 minutes.

Have you ever kissed a total stranger? Was it a big deal? Were you crushed when they walked off? Did you walk off with no explanation?

I've decided that I want to do this with people I don't know well, because I've tried picturing the conversation that I would have with a friend-maybe-more, and I figure that it would go something like this:

"Wow, what was that about?"
"Well, I just wanted to kiss you."
"Well, c'mere. Let's do it some more."
"Oh, no thanks. I'm kinda hungry. I'll see you later."
"What? You suck out my tonsils and then just leave?"
"Well, it was just an experiment. But hey, I'm done, and I'll see you later."
"What kind of experiment."
"I wanted to see what kind of a kisser you were."
"And?"
"And...you'd gag a goldfish."

Not good.

Amanda
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Author: AgentMitten Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 305 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 9:04 PM
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No no no, dear, you've got to make it through dinner before you kiss him. At the very least, a drink. The kiss goodnight on a first date is a very acceptible time to doing a smooch assessment and also a very easy break away point if it's not up to your standards. If it's good, steal another and make your next date. If it's not, just smile and say "I'll call you."

And you'll have to take my word for this, but you probably do want to do the date thing before you kiss him anyway. Think about this: if you kiss a total stranger, and it is *great* but then you find out the guy is a total jerk, you're stuck. There are plenty of guys who are pleasant enough (even if they're not Mr. Absolutely Right) and who are good kissers. It's worth the extra time to do the "jerk check" as well as the "kiss check." Trust me.

Mitten

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Author: AAAAmanda Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 306 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 9:13 PM
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No no no, dear, you've got to make it through dinner before you kiss him. At the very least, a drink.

Oh, dear. This doesn't sound nearly as fun. Besides, I'm not really good at getting dates. The guys I'm interested in aren't interested in me. And short of a bar, I don't know where to go to meet anyone.

If it's not, just smile and say "I'll call you."

Isn't that a guy thing? I don't wanna be a guy.

Think about this: if you kiss a total stranger, and it is *great* but then you find out the guy is a total jerk, you're stuck.

I get jerks under my radar all the time. Most guys can keep it together for a short while. It's the long haul where they show thier true colors. I just want to get some entertainment value in the meanwhile.

Amanda

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Author: Thuvia Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 307 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 9:20 PM
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I'm with you. I adore kissing. I often look at cuties in an elevator and wonder how they would react if I just went up to them and kissed them.

Thuvia
<don't have the guts>

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Author: AAAAmanda Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 309 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 9:27 PM
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Thuvia
<don't have the guts>


You and me, honey.

Amanda

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Author: AgentMitten Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 310 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 9:28 PM
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Besides, I'm not really good at getting dates.

Amanda, darling. We must talk. Try this: www.udate.com That site is kinda fun because it has this "big brother" feature whereby you can see everyone who has looked at your profile. I met* a lot of guys on that site, even in my tiny little town, and none of them were freaky or anything. Another decent one is www.lavalife.com Match.com sucks, in my opinion.

In the world of online dating, there are about 8 to 10 guys online for every woman online. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Give it a try - it's really fun.

And no, "I'll call you" is not a guy thing. It's dating code so that no one has to be brutal and utter the ugly truth that they're not interested, yet everyone understands the situation.

Mitten

*I'm not currently in the market, as they say, so I'm not using the site anymore

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Author: Thuvia Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 312 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 9:34 PM
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A girlfriend and I were in Copenhagen. She was leaning against a wall and a guy came up to her and planted one on her. She loved it. I had to miss it being in the Ladies Room. Shucks.

Thuvia


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Author: Thuvia Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 313 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 9:36 PM
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P.S. Loved your posts on the LBYM thread on snake tattoos.

Thuvia

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Author: AAAAmanda Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 315 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 10:00 PM
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P.S. Loved your posts on the LBYM thread on snake tattoos.

Thuvia


Thanks. Sometimes I was wondering if I was going out there further than I needed to. (It can be hard to put on the breaks.)

Amanda

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Author: CaveGirl Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 317 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/1/2002 11:05 PM
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I've decided that in my next relationship, if the guy can't make my toes curl, I'm moving on to the next one. Shallow, but I've decided that in this one area, I want to be shallow. I can be the open-minded in other areas, I just really miss being kissed well.

---------------------------

Reminds me of a Sex and the City episode... is bad kissing a relationship breaker? I have to say that it can be. I mean it's not like you are going to be in the sack 24/7 and if you can't kiss good enough to make butterflies and it ends up being a so-so experience, then why even bother?

I also like having a guy that kisses me well enough to make me tingle all over... and whether it be a prelude of things to follow, the entire experience of a good kiss is something that will keep me around and keep me coming back for more.


CaveGirl
<really likes being kissed>


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Author: gahamuvo Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 319 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/2/2002 1:34 AM
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So my question for the guys is, under what circumstances would you accept a girl kissing you and then walking away. Or, kissing you (serious lip lock), and then hanging around, but making it clear that she wasn't going to jump into bed with you in the next 20 minutes.


my response is, under what circumstances wouldn't i accept the above.


thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking,

nope, none.



gabe


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Author: DOW2000 Big gold star, 5000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 321 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/2/2002 3:46 AM
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CaveGirl
<really likes being kissed>


OK,OK,alright already! Sheesh, we get the message.

DOW

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Author: peteyperson Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 350 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/3/2002 3:48 PM
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Why do you think Match.com is less than good?

Petey

Try this: www.udate.com That site is kinda fun because it has this "big brother" feature whereby you can see everyone who has looked at your profile. I met* a lot of guys on that site, even in my tiny little town, and none of them were freaky or anything. Another decent one is www.lavalife.com Match.com sucks, in my opinion.


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Author: peteyperson Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 351 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/3/2002 3:51 PM
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Bad kissing is a relationship killer! I mean how long can you stand it for? Ditto bad sex.

I've been seeing someone who is just all tongue and very little lips. Interesting but not like a regular kiss. She also gives BJs a little different too, but we won't go into that <wink>.

Petey


Reminds me of a Sex and the City episode... is bad kissing a relationship breaker? I have to say that it can be. I mean it's not like you are going to be in the sack 24/7 and if you can't kiss good enough to make butterflies and it ends up being a so-so experience, then why even bother?

I also like having a guy that kisses me well enough to make me tingle all over... and whether it be a prelude of things to follow, the entire experience of a good kiss is something that will keep me around and keep me coming back for more.


CaveGirl
<really likes being kissed>




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Author: GameMaker Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 352 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/3/2002 4:13 PM
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She also gives BJs a little different too, but we won't go into that <wink>.

Hey -

You brought it up! Anything the rest of us can learn from?

Does it involve Altoids? (I assume everyone here has done the Curiously
Strong thing at one time or another? Heck - we keep a tin in the
nightstand. Works for either gender now, mates...don't be shy.)

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Author: peteyperson Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 355 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/3/2002 6:02 PM
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Hey GameMaker,

No comment! :)

Petey



Hey -

You brought it up! Anything the rest of us can learn from?

Does it involve Altoids? (I assume everyone here has done the Curiously
Strong thing at one time or another? Heck - we keep a tin in the
nightstand. Works for either gender now, mates...don't be shy.)

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Author: AgentMitten Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 363 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/4/2002 8:22 AM
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Why do you think Match.com is less than good?

All of these sites are just fancy databases at the heart of them, and all of them match your data with other people's data to try to find a good fit. So it's important that the data be good and useful so that the matches are good and useful.

Match.com allows you a couple fields to write a personal statement, as all these sites do. The rest of their fields are really terrible - it asks what your ultimate place to live would be, and then gives you five choices. Well, what if your ultimate place isn't in those five choices? &tc. All their fields are like that. It makes for useless matches. My ex-husband showed up as a match for me there at one point, if that gives you any idea. Best as I could tell, just about all they matched on was geography.

uDate is a lot better in this regard. They let YOU choose what fields to match on, and the questions and answers are all on pretty straightforward stuff. How many times a week do you go out? Are you shy or outgoing? &tc. There, you don't have to rely on cryptic questions like "If you were on a desert island what would you want - a flute, a monkey or a beachball?" to determine what your matches will be. And, as I said, if your potential date's level of education is most important to you, you can make that your ultimate match criteria if you want.

lavalife.com is somewhere in the middle. One interesting thing they've done is to make 3 different areas, one for dating, one for LT relationships and one for "intimate encounters." That's really useful for avoiding people whose goals are not yours. And it also allows them to customize the data fields for each area - a field about whether you're into sex toys is useful for the intimate encounters section, for example. They are a "pay as you go" site instead of a monthly subscription site, which is attractive to some people as well.

Yahoo personals have lots of participants, but lots of drek. I found many more interesting and intelligent men on the other sites I've mentioned.

It really is fun to do. If you want to try it, be sure to post a pic of yourself. The pic-less ads/profiles really do generally get overlooked.

Mitten

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Author: peteyperson Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 364 of 65403
Subject: Re: Kissing Date: 7/4/2002 8:42 AM
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Mitten, interesting experiences, thanks for posting them.

I joined Match.com a while back. It's been an interesting experience but very hit and miss. I do agree with your pic comment. I've sourcing a good one of me (apparently) from a photographer friend at the moment and then will add it to see if it makes any difference. It might just make a difference when replying and get less zero responses, esp from women who have a pic posted up.

I had soured from the whole blind date thing recently. I came across something I perceived possibly to be 30+ women becoming extremely selective due to trying to select their "final" marriage material mate and doing that via blind dating. Whereas blind dates had been successful for me in the past, having crossed the 30+ barrier I've been finding their are almost always bad. Almost like the selection criteria upon meeting is so slim that you couldn't hope to match it, doing it on a blind date making it even more unlikely. So I just felt that for those reasons it was less likely to work at my age, just a theory. But I'm certainly interested to see if things change with a photo.

The funniest thing I've found is that whether you go through replying to 30 individually written or one general reply about yourself to their ad, you may only get one or two replies if you are lucky, but that they'll complain if they seem like stock replies.. but then with the reply rate so low who has the time to write 30 individual, unique replies... catch 22! Again I would be interested to see if that sort of thing changes if upon viewing your profile there is a pic.

Petey


All of these sites are just fancy databases at the heart of them, and all of them match your data with other people's data to try to find a good fit. So it's important that the data be good and useful so that the matches are good and useful.

Match.com allows you a couple fields to write a personal statement, as all these sites do. The rest of their fields are really terrible - it asks what your ultimate place to live would be, and then gives you five choices. Well, what if your ultimate place isn't in those five choices? &tc. All their fields are like that. It makes for useless matches. My ex-husband showed up as a match for me there at one point, if that gives you any idea. Best as I could tell, just about all they matched on was geography.

uDate is a lot better in this regard. They let YOU choose what fields to match on, and the questions and answers are all on pretty straightforward stuff. How many times a week do you go out? Are you shy or outgoing? &tc. There, you don't have to rely on cryptic questions like "If you were on a desert island what would you want - a flute, a monkey or a beachball?" to determine what your matches will be. And, as I said, if your potential date's level of education is most important to you, you can make that your ultimate match criteria if you want.

lavalife.com is somewhere in the middle. One interesting thing they've done is to make 3 different areas, one for dating, one for LT relationships and one for "intimate encounters." That's really useful for avoiding people whose goals are not yours. And it also allows them to customize the data fields for each area - a field about whether you're into sex toys is useful for the intimate encounters section, for example. They are a "pay as you go" site instead of a monthly subscription site, which is attractive to some people as well.

Yahoo personals have lots of participants, but lots of drek. I found many more interesting and intelligent men on the other sites I've mentioned.

It really is fun to do. If you want to try it, be sure to post a pic of yourself. The pic-less ads/profiles really do generally get overlooked.

Mitten

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