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I know this board is just "For the Girls", but I thought you would be best equipped to answer my question. I checked out the "For the Boys" board, but when I saw things like 'goat sex' and 'brown streaks', I wasn't filled with much confidence that I'd get a good answer.

First off, I guess I should say that I'm not a girl. But, I do know some girls. One inparticular is the reason I'm posting.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for just under a year now, and she's really started to put the pressure on about marriage. It's not everyday, but there are countless times when '4 more years' is not just an ovation at the republican convention, but a pessimistic premonition from my girlfriend regarding our relationship.

I love dating her and we have a great time together, but when the pressures of deciding on marriage continually cross my path, it gets my defenses up pretty quickly. I'm 27 years old, financially stable, somewhat normal,etc... so there's no reason outside looking in that I'm not in a place to get married. However, I guess I'm just not ready to take that plunge. Both my parents have their fair share of failed marriages between them and maybe that's just got me pretty scared that I'll make a premature decision.

She and I aren't having sex yet, either, which has come up a couple times as a reason to marry. However, I just want to do this thing the 'right way'...whatever that is. I'd never marry just for the physical side.

Anyway, what do you think. I apologize for the long post, but it's really been bothering me. Thanks for your help.

-jk
**oh yeah, she says she gets more immediate when she's having her 'time of the month'...which is this week. i don't really go there.
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Dude. What is your question?
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On second thought, you should probably take this issue to LBYM, they eat this stuff up over there.

ps, are you sure you aren't a chick because no offense but you kind of sound like one.
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However, I guess I'm just not ready to take that plunge. Both my parents have their fair share of failed marriages between them and maybe that's just got me pretty scared that I'll make a premature decision.


Fair enough. Why don't you just tell her this and that as much as you love her, you don't want to talk about marriage until you feel ready. I mean, she wouldn't like it much if the tables were turned and you kept bringing it up, knowing she wasn't ready, now would she? Seems very understandable to me.

She and I aren't having sex yet, either, which has come up a couple times as a reason to marry. However, I just want to do this thing the 'right way'...whatever that is. I'd never marry just for the physical side.

Okay, hon, lemme gently point out that having a physical relationship does not commit you to marriage. Mutual pleasure is simply mutual pleasure, and waaaaay more fun than m-bation, I might add.

TD


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she's really started to put the pressure on about marriage ...

However, I guess I'm just not ready to take that plunge. Both my parents have their fair share of failed marriages between them and maybe that's just got me pretty scared that I'll make a premature decision.


First off, is she specifically talking about marriage, or is she talking about a commitment and you are interpreting that to mean marriage?

In her book "The Real Rules", Barbara DeAngelis talks about there being 4 levels of commitment in a relationship, the 4th and highest level being marriage or living together. I do not have my book with me (a friend in another state is borrowing it) to quote you what the exact levels of commitment are, but DeAngelis does have some advice about relationships available here on her website:

http://www.barbaradeangelis.com/advice_commitment.asp

I think that maybe questions 2, 3, and 6 might be the most relevant for you to read. Question 6 addresses the issue of fearing failing in marriage since your parents did.

Hope this helps some.

- Karen
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BTW, you might also want to post your question on the very active Sex and Relationships discussion board.

http://boards.fool.com/Messages.asp?mid=21285318&bid=116023

- Karen
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Anyway, what do you think. I apologize for the long post, but it's really been bothering me. Thanks for your help.

I think you should tell her, "I am not going to propose to you for at least a year, because I am not ready and I don't like being on a monthly time clock".

6, not that kind of girl
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I think you should break up with her.
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My girlfriend and I have been dating for just under a year now...

...She and I aren't having sex yet, either, which has come up a couple times as a reason to marry. However, I just want to do this thing the 'right way'...whatever that is. I'd never marry just for the physical side

Serious question:

Is this more an exception or the rule for young couples in the US not to 'have sex', but to be dating? What does 'dating' consist of?
I'm totally clueless, honestly.

Abe (from Europe)
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My girlfriend and I have been dating for just under a year now, and she's really started to put the pressure on about marriage.

Why on Earth would you want to marry her, you still don't even know her!

Abe
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I'm 27 years old, financially stable, somewhat normal,etc... so there's no reason outside looking in that I'm not in a place to get married.

That has pretty much nothing to do with being "in a place to get married." It's being ready emotionally, and wanting to, and being involved with a woman who makes life with her inordinately more fun and satisfying than life without her--and who has a reasonably good sense of who you are, and respects it. Doesn't sound like either of you are there.


She and I aren't having sex yet, either, which has come up a couple times as a reason to marry.

That's about the worst reason for marrying I can think of. And why aren't you sleeping together, at your age and after dating for almost a year and really having a good time?! It's such an incomplete relationship.

Sounds to me like she's pretty pushy and insensitive, and trying to manipulate you.


sheila
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She and I aren't having sex yet, either, which has come up a couple times as a reason to marry.
------------------------------------------------
That's about the worst reason for marrying I can think of. And why aren't you sleeping together, at your age and after dating for almost a year and really having a good time?! It's such an incomplete relationship.

Sounds to me like she's pretty pushy and insensitive, and trying to manipulate you.


maybe he is dating frissssy?

peace & not until I am married
t
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maybe he is dating frissssy?

peace & not until I am married


Hellloooo!

Do y'all really think if I'd been dating someone for over a year, you wouldn't have heard about it?

I think it's great that he's waiting. If he's not ready to be married, then he certainly isn't ready to be a daddy, and he shouldn't be porking until he is ready for the pitter-patter of little feet.

He's only been dating the woman for a year, and it sounds to me like she wants to be married, and he'll do. When he finally does decide that she's the girl, I hope he doesn't dwell on his parents screwed up marriages. He isn't his parents, and he can learn from their mistakes, instead of using them as an excuse to not get married.

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That's about the worst reason for marrying I can think of. And why aren't you sleeping together, at your age and after dating for almost a year and really having a good time?! It's such an incomplete relationship.

Sounds to me like she's pretty pushy and insensitive, and trying to manipulate you.


First of all, the OP specifically said I'd never marry just for the physical side. Bringing it up in conversations is one thing. Whether it is a serious consideration or just an expression of frustration is up for interpretation. I'm going with #2 in light of the OP's statement.

Secondly, maybe the OP and/or his girlfriend have different values than you or the rest of mainstream America. For them waiting until marriage to have sex could be a conscious and responsible choice and should not be denigrated. It shows strength of will to stick to their values even when it isn't the easiest or most popular thing. It may have nothing to do with their ages and more to do with what they think is right for them.

I'm not saying everyone has to be a virgin on their wedding night, but for those who have chosen that route, could we not mock them or cast aspersions on their motives?
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Next time you're making out with this chick, try whispering "brown streaks" and "goat sex" in her ear and see what happens.

Not to her, to you.

red
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For them waiting until marriage to have sex could be a conscious and responsible choice and should not be denigrated. It may have nothing to do with their ages.... for those who have chosen that route, could we not mock them or cast aspersions on their motives?


Doesn't sound to me like you really read what I wrote.


sheila
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Doesn't sound to me like you really read what I wrote.

Well, you said the GF was manipulative, pushy and insensitive. The "manipulate you" is where I got "cast aspersions on their motives." Bringing up marriage as a possible next step isn't necessarily manipulation. It could be, but I can't say that it is from what the OP wrote. I guess he did say she was "pressuring" him, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's being devious. It could be manipulation or it could be honest discussion of where she'd like the relationship to go. He always has the option of saying no and walking away.

"Why aren't you sleeping together... It's such an incomplete relationship" sounds like you aren't exactly supporting their choices regarding sex in their relationship. Maybe mocking is too strong of a word. But it came across as "anyone your age in a *real* relationship would be sleeping together." It makes it sound like their relationship isn't "good enough" without the sex.

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I'm not saying everyone has to be a virgin on their wedding night, but for those who have chosen that route, could we not mock them or cast aspersions on their motives?



I doubt it.
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For them .. should not be denigrated ... could we not mock them or cast aspersions on their motives?


I object! FTG engages in neither denigration nor aspersion casting!

We are really more of a satire and sarcasm crowd.

Errin

ps. I will, however, admit to a bit of mockery.
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Well, I didn't expect this much response. I really just wanted to see what women thought about a little pre-nup pressure. It's good to get varied responses, though. From being called a woman to telling me to break up with her to saying that I don't know her to saying that I should have sex with her...I love America.

For the European guy, no sex before marriage is definitely the exception to the rule. For some, it's an ideal, but it's not too common. My girlfriend and I just feel it's something that should be saved for the marriage.

Thanks for all your advice. We had a couple great talks lately. I mentioned many of the things here and we came to a good understanding of who we are and we aren't. She's a pretty impulsive girl, and I tend to be more on the calculated side. I like that she's got a 'today' attitude toward life, but some things take a little more thought. We're heading in the right direction. Thanks for all your help.

-motleync
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I think it's great that he's waiting. If he's not ready to be married, then he certainly isn't ready to be a daddy, and he shouldn't be porking until he is ready for the pitter-patter of little feet.

You have heard of birth control, right?

LCK

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We had a couple great talks lately. I mentioned many of the things here and we came to a good understanding of who we are and we aren't.


Without those talks, nothing works. Sounds good!


sheila
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I think it's great that he's waiting. If he's not ready to be married, then he certainly isn't ready to be a daddy, and he shouldn't be porking until he is ready for the pitter-patter of little feet.


Dumbass doppel:

When I was like 5 years old, I thought that when you got married, then God somehow just knew that you were married and let you have babies.

At about age 6, I started figuring out that the whole God thing was about as plausible as Santa Claus bringing presents via our nonexistent chimney and still having time to bring them to every kid in the entire planet. It took me a little longer to figure out the mechanics of reproductive freedom, but not as long as, for instance, you.

Getting married and having kids are two completely separate activities. Also, you can pork all you want to--before or after marriage--and never have to hear the pitter-patter of little screaming tax deductions. In your case, however, it's probably best that you're confused and think you can't have sex without a baby following, since it makes you "save it for marriage" and therefore prevents you from reproducing more of your own kind.

red
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You have heard of birth control, right?

Yes. I use the 100% effective bc, abstinence.

Nothing else is guaranteed.

Except maybe homosexual sex.
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Except maybe homosexual sex.



... maybe? ....
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... maybe? ....

Yeah.

Haven't you seen Jurrasic Park?

frissy
gets ALL her information from trusted sources, such as blockbuster movies
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Yes. I use the 100% effective bc, abstinence.

Nothing else is guaranteed.


Well, It's your choice. Personally, there are times when I'd rather not sleep alone, and the fact that I don't want to get married and I don't want to have children really has no bearing on my needs.

I've been pretty happy with my bc -- the Ring. Convenient and low hormone dose. I'm thinking about getting an IUD, though.

LCK
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Haven't you seen Jurrasic Park?

frissy


As I recall, the dinosaurs biologically transgendered, as only amphibian and reptilian species can, so it was completely heterosexual at the time of porking.

Errin
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Well, It's your choice. Personally, there are times when I'd rather not sleep alone, and the fact that I don't want to get married and I don't want to have children really has no bearing on my needs.


It is my choice. And it's your choice, and OP's choice. You don't like being belittled or lectured at over YOUR decisions, and I don't think you should do so to people who come to ask you an honest question.

I'm glad that you know yourself well enough to know what you want and are making the responsible choice to back up your decision to be CF with KNOWLEDGE and ACTION. If only everyone were that responsible, there would be far fewer neglected children.

Although I seriously doubt not wanting "to sleep alone" is not your reason for having a lover. If that were the case, you could get a puppy to keep you warm. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with all wild pig sex you fornicators enjoy. ;-P
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As I recall, the dinosaurs biologically transgendered, as only amphibian and reptilian species can, so it was completely heterosexual at the time of porking.

Can reptiles "pork"?

Or would it have to be called "geckoing"?
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I'm pretty sure it has something to do with all wild pig sex you fornicators enjoy.




I prefer wild monkey sex myself. But that's just me.
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I prefer wild monkey sex myself. But that's just me.

Just so long as you keep it down to a dull roar.

We're trying to have bible study over here, ya know.
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I prefer wild monkey sex myself. But that's just me.

Crazy, wild monkey sex: Accept no substitute.

LCK
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We're trying to have bible study over here, ya know.



Ew.
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Ew.

Wait until Frissy gets to the Song of Solomon.

red
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I prefer wild monkey sex myself.

Link please
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Wait until Frissy gets to the Song of Solomon.

red
==================

She's strictly a new testament St. Paul kinda gal ....

Errin
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I prefer wild monkey sex myself.

Link please


*************************


Kick a sister while she's down why don't you.
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Wait until Frissy gets to the Song of Solomon.

red


**********************


I don't think she reads Toni Morrison.
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I know this board is just "For the Girls", but I thought you would be best equipped to answer my question. I checked out the "For the Boys" board, but when I saw things like 'goat sex' and 'brown streaks', I wasn't filled with much confidence that I'd get a good answer.

First off, I guess I should say that I'm not a girl. But, I do know some girls. One inparticular is the reason I'm posting.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for just under a year now, and she's really started to put the pressure on about marriage. It's not everyday, but there are countless times when '4 more years' is not just an ovation at the republican convention, but a pessimistic premonition from my girlfriend regarding our relationship.

I love dating her and we have a great time together, but when the pressures of deciding on marriage continually cross my path, it gets my defenses up pretty quickly. I'm 27 years old, financially stable, somewhat normal,etc... so there's no reason outside looking in that I'm not in a place to get married. However, I guess I'm just not ready to take that plunge. Both my parents have their fair share of failed marriages between them and maybe that's just got me pretty scared that I'll make a premature decision.

She and I aren't having sex yet, either, which has come up a couple times as a reason to marry. However, I just want to do this thing the 'right way'...whatever that is. I'd never marry just for the physical side.

Anyway, what do you think. I apologize for the long post, but it's really been bothering me. Thanks for your help.

-jk
**oh yeah, she says she gets more immediate when she's having her 'time of the month'...which is this week. i don't really go there.


There's one other possibility. Let's review the evidence, shall we?

1. Dating someone for a year, but not having sex with her.
2. More to the point, limiting your dating pool to women who agree--in this day and age--to not have sex until marriage.
3. And yet implying that you might want to have sex before marriage. Just not with her, even though she is someone who you have a great time with and enjoy dating.
4. Being defensive when the subject of marriage crosses your path.
5. Hoping weakly that there's more to marriage than just "the physical side."

Dude. Have you ever thought that you might be gay?

red
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6. Being squeamish about menstruation.

red

ps Seriously, man. Have you ever seen the movie In and Out?
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Kick a sister while she's down why don't you.


I'm just jealous because you always claim your breats are more impressive than mine ...

Errin
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I'm just jealous because you always claim your breats are more impressive than mine ...

Errin



Never have such words issued forth from my fingertips.
It's those other ayeholes who have a thing about mentioning my rack.



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You don't like being belittled or lectured at over YOUR decisions, and I don't think you should do so to people who come to ask you an honest question.

But feel free to do it to frissy anytime.

6
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But feel free to do it to frissy anytime.

Yes, please do. But also note that I fart in your general direction.

Mwha!

;-P
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I prefer wild monkey sex myself. But that's just me.

dlk


You'd make a great mom.

Or hooker.

Whatever, same difference.

MIA
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You'd make a great mom.

Or hooker.

Whatever, same difference.

MIA

****************************


As if you don't know which one I'd rather be.
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Dude. Have you ever thought that you might be gay?

red


red,

you're clueless.

I don't know any gay, and I know a few, who's preserved his virginity until marriage.

Abe
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red,

you're clueless.

I don't know any gay, and I know a few, who's preserved his virginity until marriage.


My gaydar's pretty good, thanks. Mr. OP didn't say he was a virgin, either. He's just showing a disturbing lack of enthusiasm for pussy.

red
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He's just showing a disturbing lack of enthusiasm for pussy.

That could be me, and I'm a married man.

Abe
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That could be me, and I'm a married man.


OCD: it's because you're an already-married man. Completely different than what our closeted friend is wrestling with.

End of discussion. It's time for Tampax talk again.

red

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Red,

Thanks for the homosexual suggestion. Hmmmm....never thought of that. Why is it that when a guy wants to wait until marriage, he is accused of being gay? Physical attraction to her isn't and never has been the issue. I happen to respect women and, more importantly, my future wife more than a couple feel good moments.

motleync
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I happen to respect women and, more importantly, my future wife more than a couple feel good moments.


Oh ... now I get it, erectile dysfunction ... I'm so very, very sorry ... I think there are some wonderful remedies available for that now ...

Errin
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Hmmmm....never thought of that. Why is it that when a guy wants to wait until marriage, he is accused of being gay?

Seriously, I wasn't "accusing" you of being gay. I just thought it might be part of the answer.

Physical attraction to her isn't and never has been the issue. I happen to respect women and, more importantly, my future wife more than a couple feel good moments.


You respect straight women? Jesus, you ARE gay.

red
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I happen to respect women and, more importantly, my future wife more than a couple feel good moments.


Does your future wife know that you consider sex to be nothing more than a "couple feel good moments"?

6, THAT'S why waiting is a bad idea
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6, THAT'S why waiting is a bad idea

I remember when I was a boy, waiting meant all the contrary to me.

Abe
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Dude if I were you I'd at least check that she hasn't got her own penis tucked away down there ( does she ride a motorbike ? ) . Secondly not to have sex with someone before marriage is a hell of gamble, what if she is one of those women that just lie there exuding all the warmth and sexual attraction of a drowned elk ?
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Dude if I were you I'd at least check that she hasn't got her own penis tucked away down there ( does she ride a motorbike ? ) . Secondly not to have sex with someone before marriage is a hell of gamble, what if she is one of those women that just lie there exuding all the warmth and sexual attraction of a drowned elk ?

Personally, I prefer the word 'nose' to the 'p-word'. The 'p-word' is quite offensive to some.


IMHO,

Abe
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Personally, I prefer the word 'nose' to the 'p-word'. The 'p-word' is quite offensive to some.


IMHO,

Abe


Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

red
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Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

red


Eeech. Eeech. Eeech. Eeech. Eeech. Eeech. Eeech. Eeech. Eeech.
http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=21268717&sort=whole

Abe
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Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

6, most offensive
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Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose. Nose.

Please let's call things by their name.

Thank you,

Abe
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Please let's call things by their name.

Is it time to start calling you, "stalker"?

6
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Definitely not.

I apologize if I've offended anybody here.

Abe<===is out
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He's just showing a disturbing lack of enthusiasm for pussy.
=============

That could be me, and I'm a married man.

Abe


Dude, that's just sad.

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Does your future wife know that you consider sex to be nothing more than a "couple feel good moments"?

6, THAT'S why waiting is a bad idea



Thank God for 6.

Sheryl
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Personally, I prefer the word 'nose' to the 'p-word'. The 'p-word' is quite offensive to some.


Which p-word? Not that either one offend me. I just have no clue which one you mean.

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So, you weren't kidding? You seriously have a problem with the word penis? I am starting to understand you better now.

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