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Author: pacigirl Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 42342  
Subject: Long: Pregnant w/ MIL trouble Date: 3/29/2004 4:53 PM
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I need some advice. I am 22 weeks pregnant and I am very frustrated with my relationship with my MIL. I can't imagine spending the rest of my married life attached to this woman.

Just a warning, this is going to be a little venting that hopefully will help me resolve some issues: I don't know if any of you experience this at all, but I am having a really difficult time with DH's Mom, MIL.

Just a couple background examples: MIL (who lives 10 hours away) and I got along smashingly until I married her son. But, at the wedding reception, relations began to deteriorate when she told our good friend and next door neighbor that, "I was here first!" and how I would never replace her.

At Christmas, I gave her the book, The Long Distance Grandmother 4 Ed: How to Stay Close to Distant Grandchildren. Her response to this gift was, "I don't need to read this, because I plan to visit every 2-3 months."

When MIL and Step-FIL come to visit, she makes him sleep on the couch in the living room, while she sleeps in our second bedroom with a full -size bed. We live in a smallish 2 bedroom, 2 bath house. So, when they visit, all of our living space is occupied by one of them. The last time they visited, DH called her and asked very sweetly if the next time they came through town, if they would be willing to sleep in the same room. Her response was chilly. This was followed by a week of MIL not speaking to DH. Then, MIL went to DH's brother to ask, why couldn't we be more flexible.

Since the last time they visited (late January), MIL and I have not spoken to one another. She speaks to DH frequently. She has not asked DH how I am feeling, doing, etc. She has not mentioned me once to DH. In contrast, last week when we went to the ultrasound, we invited DH's Dad and Step-Mom, FIL and Step-MIL to come with us. They enjoyed it tremendously and have been truly kind and caring during this process. Step-MIL calls me their daughter, and can't wait to become a grandmother.

Anyway, when DH told MIL that the baby was a girl, she asked, so how's she doing? DH replied, "DW is doing great. She feels great..." MIL: "I wasn't talking about DW, I was talking about the baby." BTW, I have asked DH to kindly refrain from telling me these details, because it only makes me more offended by her. At this time, I can't imagine spending the rest of my married life attached to this woman.

So, am I being too sensitive? Are my hormones affecting my rational thought patterns? How do I respond when I feel like I am just a necessary evil to MIL--a vessel for the beloved child to be gestated within?

I feel like I have a lot of support from my family and DH's stepmom and dad, but still need to learn to jump over a few hurdles with MIL. Please respond with any of your honest wisdom/advice. I have two books on the way that will hopefully help, The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships and When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People.

Thanks,
pacigirl
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