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Author: Jhereg Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 3723  
Subject: Mirth irreverence Date: 12/12/2002 12:57 PM
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Circulating via email. Difficult to attribute, but possibly written by one "Seamus Iarla"

Scene: A wood.
In the distance is an eclectic group of neo-pagans. Far off in the twilight beyond the shadow of woods stand two gigantic figures looming large in the darkness. One is clad simply in a toga, the other stands like a primordial figure from the dawn of time covered in animal furs, with a crude horned helm adding to his titanic stature....

Two figures hiding in the woods spot each other.

Thor: Evening.
Zeus: Evening. God?
Thor: Yep. You too?
Zeus. Yep.Pause
Thor: How long ago did they invoke you?
Zeus: About half an hour. Still singing those awful songs though.
Thor: We all come from the Goddess? Which Goddess? My mother, Giord, my wife, Sif, my daugther Thrud? My cousin Oester? they never say which one and boy does that get the ladies in my household mad!
Zeus: That's the dirge. Cheek. You've heard that other one? We are
theold people, we are the new people, we are same people, wiser from
before?
Thor: Yeah. What do you make of it?
Zeus: Olympus knows. If they're so bloody wise why can't they work
outwhether they're old, new or the same? Where you from?
Thor: Up North. Thunder God.
Zeus: Hey, really? Me too! King of the Gods round our way. You?
Thor: Sometimes, depends on the saga. Oh look, they're sacrificing
some stuff.

In the circle some mead is poured onto the ground. Thor holds hands
outand mead flows into them from the ground.

Thor: How am I supposed to get rat-faced on this? Half a
bloodythimbleful.
Zeus. What is it?
Thor: Mead. Made from honey.
Zeus: Alcoholic?
Thor: Yep.
Cerridwen: Evening boys.
Thor and Zeus: Whoa Nelly!
Cerridwen: Pour it in this cauldron.

Thor does so. Cauldron fills with mead.

Thor: I have GOT to get me one of those!
Zeus (drinking): Mmmm. Nice. That eye-tie girl, Fortuna, she's got
ahorn like that. Keeps it stuffed with fruit all the time though. This is good stuff. Let's pass it round before the wine gets poured.
Thor: Wine?
Zeus: O, believe me, if you like this stuff you're gonna love wine. Heygirlie, where you from?
Cerridwen: Wales. Got left out of the 7 Goddess chant because Americans
think Wales is part of England or something. And they never pour cider
in this damn country. COME ON OUT LADS.

Various pantheons of deities emerge from trees, gather round and scoop
mead.

Venus: Honey! It's booze made from honey! And bees are sacred to me! Why didn't my priestesses think of this?
Zeus: Heads up, here comes the wine!

In the distance, wine is poured on the ground. Dionysus holds out
hands, wine flows from ground and he pours it into the cauldron. Cauldron fills with wine. Deities greedily scoop up and drink. Long pause.

Thor: What is this crap?
Zeus: Whaddya mean, this is wine. This is good stuff. This is, this
is... this is NON-ALCOHOLIC! WHO ORDERED THIS?
Evil Demon: It is I, Alconon, Lord of the Twelve Steps! ... Where's everyone going?
Gods and Goddesses disperse, mumbling. In the distance, the ritual
continues for hours and hours and hours...

Peace,
El
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