momsie,What are you doing shacking up with my husband???? Seriously, that could be my hubby exactly. I don't know if these will help, but here's some of the things I've done. 1. The toughest one. Sat down with myself and decided how far I was willing to take it if he wouldn't come around. Did I think it was worth divorce? No. Then I flat out asked him if he wanted a divorce or separation or whatever. No. So we find a middle ground.2. Faced reality that he will probably never again initiate "things." If I want them, I have to work for them by doing the initiation. Sucks, but that's life.3. Sat him down and told (not asked) him what was going on at home. I told him flat out that the kids are growing fast and they need him right now. "Besides, in 20 years, you'll be regretting that you missed this part of their lives. Enjoy it while you got it." At the same time, told him that I want him to at least give me something to live through vicariously. "Start talking, Bub."4. I also asked him what he needed. "I can't fix what I don't know is broke." He said he needed to veg-out in front of the computer for a couple hours when he gets home. Okay, cool, we can handle this.5. Also informed him that if he planned on keeping me sane enough to be the kid's mom, he'd better take them off my hands occasionally - together!!!6. I faced reality on how far from "home turf" Hubby was willing to roam - It ain't far!!! Okay, if I want to do things, I do them with the kids, friends, or on my own.7. I finally got PO at him one day, packed the kids into the car and started driving to my Mom's for a vacation, 1100 miles away. He did not like the idea of us all alone without him and it kinda woke him up, I guess.We still have troubles, but they seem so much easier because we both know that the other won't leave, but we also know the things we both need and want. Sometimes we're both willing to do them, sometimes neither of us is willing to do anything. We simply acknowledge it and move on.The hardest part is the sitting down and getting words out of his mouth. It seems like after I made it clear that I wasn't leaving (permanently), and I wanted the "down and dirty" on his attitude, things got much easier. I hope these help. Good Luck!!
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