Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
 
UnThreaded | Threaded | Whole Thread (18) | Ignore Thread Prev | Next
Author: zsimpson Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 974  
Subject: Re: Help me understand my dh.... Date: 10/9/2000 2:55 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll . Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 5
momsie,
What are you doing shacking up with my husband???? Seriously, that could be my hubby exactly. I don't know if these will help, but here's some of the things I've done.

1. The toughest one. Sat down with myself and decided how far I was willing to take it if he wouldn't come around. Did I think it was worth divorce? No. Then I flat out asked him if he wanted a divorce or separation or whatever. No. So we find a middle ground.

2. Faced reality that he will probably never again initiate "things." If I want them, I have to work for them by doing the initiation. Sucks, but that's life.

3. Sat him down and told (not asked) him what was going on at home. I told him flat out that the kids are growing fast and they need him right now. "Besides, in 20 years, you'll be regretting that you missed this part of their lives. Enjoy it while you got it." At the same time, told him that I want him to at least give me something to live through vicariously. "Start talking, Bub."

4. I also asked him what he needed. "I can't fix what I don't know is broke." He said he needed to veg-out in front of the computer for a couple hours when he gets home. Okay, cool, we can handle this.

5. Also informed him that if he planned on keeping me sane enough to be the kid's mom, he'd better take them off my hands occasionally - together!!!

6. I faced reality on how far from "home turf" Hubby was willing to roam - It ain't far!!! Okay, if I want to do things, I do them with the kids, friends, or on my own.

7. I finally got PO at him one day, packed the kids into the car and started driving to my Mom's for a vacation, 1100 miles away. He did not like the idea of us all alone without him and it kinda woke him up, I guess.

We still have troubles, but they seem so much easier because we both know that the other won't leave, but we also know the things we both need and want. Sometimes we're both willing to do them, sometimes neither of us is willing to do anything. We simply acknowledge it and move on.
The hardest part is the sitting down and getting words out of his mouth. It seems like after I made it clear that I wasn't leaving (permanently), and I wanted the "down and dirty" on his attitude, things got much easier. I hope these help. Good Luck!!
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll . Report this Post | Recommend it!
Print the post  
UnThreaded | Threaded | Whole Thread (18) | Ignore Thread Prev | Next

Announcements

What was Your Dumbest Investment?
Share it with us -- and learn from others' stories of flubs.
When Life Gives You Lemons
We all have had hardships and made poor decisions. The important thing is how we respond and grow. Read the story of a Fool who started from nothing, and looks to gain everything.
Community Home
Speak Your Mind, Start Your Blog, Rate Your Stocks

Community Team Fools - who are those TMF's?
Contact Us
Contact Customer Service and other Fool departments here.
Work for Fools?
Winner of the Washingtonian great places to work, and "#1 Media Company to Work For" (BusinessInsider 2011)! Have access to all of TMF's online and email products for FREE, and be paid for your contributions to TMF! Click the link and start your Fool career.
Advertisement