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Author: Tigorious Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 35  
Subject: Monday Update and punishment rules Date: 3/30/2009 11:28 AM
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We had a good time with my stepson this weekend. I was able to find out what I needed from him to plan the vacation.

The only dark spot of the weekend was that my stepson is in trouble from his mom, for calling her names. He has called her names to her face, in front of his teachers, and at his maternal aunt's house.

The way my husband handles it is if he gets in trouble for something done at his mom's, that is up to her to punish. If he gets in trouble for something at our house, it is up to my husband to handle. But, if it happens at school, both houses punish him.

His mom, thinks that if it happens at her house, my husband should punish him. If it happens at school, my husband should punish him. And if it happens at our house, my husband should punish him. She thinks my husband should always be the "big bad wolf". Many a fight between the parents has broke out over this.

So, long story short, my stepson was on restrictions from his ipod and internet privelages this weekend. Plus, with the money that he got from doing chores, he was forced to put it all into his savings. It meant he had no spending money for the coming week. He was quite bummed.

The savings, by the way, is in a big piggy bank. For about a year now, my husband taxes his son's chore money. He makes his son do the math at 15%. The money is being saved to help him buy his first car. I have promised to match his first $100 with $100 of my personal money. The chores that he can get paid for are all optional, so sometimes he doesn't do anything and doesn't get paid. He has some chores that aren't optional (family chores) that he does not get paid for.

I know it does not seem like it, but we did have a good weekend. He almost beat me at scrabble. He helped me prune some of my roses. He and his dad took the dogs on some long walks. My husband showed him how to cook hamburgers on the grill(including getting the grill set up and cleaning it).

All in all it was a good weekend. As a bonus, my stepdaughter(almost 21 years old and "lives" with us) actually was around some this weekend.

I wish you well..............


Tigorious
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Author: TMFLee Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 31 of 35
Subject: Re: Monday Update and punishment rules Date: 4/14/2009 1:08 PM
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There is someone else out here. Thanks for your posts. I feel better already.
I can't give you advice, but I have to say what's happening with the second mom sounds very familiar. My husband's ex doesn't talk to him at all: She only yells at him -- very occasionally. His daughter, now 18, lives with us (she is away at college), and he has always had custody, since she was 3. The mom doesn't talk to me at all, except to threaten.
I'm glad to hear about the activities and discipline at your house. I wish we had both of those.
My friends and family call me to say Happy Mother's Day. I'll never hear it at my house, though I took care of her for four years.
Hang in there.

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Author: Tigorious Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32 of 35
Subject: Re: Monday Update and punishment rules Date: 4/15/2009 1:50 PM
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Thanks.

I only sporadically get any acknowledgement on Mother's Day. The irony is that I am the one that makes sure my stepdaughter and stepson remember their bio mothers. I also remind them of birthdays and holidays for their moms. The kid's mothers have never been very thoughtful the other way towards my husband. I know that in the end we are doing what is right by the kids. It just gets frustrating being the only ones sometimes.

Does your stepdaughter have much contact with her bio mom? My stepdaughter moved in with us her senior year in high school because her mom didn't want to deal with her anymore. Her mom likes being the "visiting Aunt" better than being a parent. I will admit that I let myself get too close to my stepdaughter sometimes. I have to daily remind myself that she has a mom and to not get so emotionally invested. It is a very fine line.

I do not have children of my own so I tend to put all my "mothering" into my stepkids, ok, and my dogs....ha ha ha. Do you have children of you own? I have always wondered if that would have made things different.

Anyhow, my stepdaughter turned 21 years old on Monday and she is unbearable right now...ha ha ha. She has already had two birthday parties and is going away this weekend on a birthday vacation. She spent all morning and into the afternoon on Monday whining about her mother. She hadn't called on her birthday. I defended her mom until later that night her mom called. She was all happy and all was forgiven. Do you ever have to defend the ex? It is crazy.

I wish you well..........


Tigorious

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