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Author: SisypheanFool Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Motley Fool One Everlasting Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 274  
Subject: Re: Recently widowed.Anyone here? Date: 2/23/2006 12:35 PM
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My husband of 29 yrs passed away in late October.

(((Alice)))
One of these days I'll find a better word than "welcome" or "sorry" for greeting a new member to this club. It's not as if it's a clique one would want to join, nor is it all as glum and hopeless as one may assume.
Perhaps that's indicative of all the conflicted feelings we go through, eh?

I'm not sure how I managed to miss this thread last night as I was catching up here. I got a notion to circle back to see how long ago Ralph had met his fiancée and found this.

I'm in awe of your focus and upward perspective of dealing with things/life that is being thrown in your path. That's wonderful that your reflex to chaos is to just jump in and work towards solution.

I tend to be much less evolved (perhaps that just being a male?) and respond to a round of self-pity and woe before I try to fix things. I'm better than I used to be, yet have a ways to go before I get past this wasteful step. (Any tips you may have to help me grow-up in this regard would be appreciated)

OTOH, having 2 little ones to take care of did serve to give me focus, especially through the fog of early grief. So perhaps these things you're left with to take care of on the frog farm are a similar "nice distraction".
After all, isn't the loss of our respective spouses an event that ripped-out a cornerstone to our sense of purpose in life? I found that I started to cope with widowhood much better once I started looking at things along the lines of bridging the void rather than hopelessly trying to fill it (if that makes any sense).

At any rate, thanks for sharing your experience. You gave me a good moment of pause to look at myself this morning. I needed a bit of a kick in the rear to get this dang desk cleared off and filed.


I'm glad he went quickly, never re-gaining consciousness, because he would NOT have wanted to be debilitated.

Here again you're so much more self-aware than I.
My wife had a brain tumor removed and the aftermath left her changed in so many ways. It took me a good year or so after her death to realize that there was grace in that she went gently. Not that she suffered physically post-op, but that she was becoming aware of how debilitated her mental and emotional faculties were and was getting progressively frustrated.

Russ was obviously a very blessed man to have had you in his life!


Thanks for dropping in and sharing,
Keith
~ always, always late to everything
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