Oil ChangingInstructions forWomen:1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when themileage reaches 3000 since the lastoil change.2) Drink a cup of coffee.3)15 minutes later, write a checkand leave with a properlymaintained vehicle.Money spent: $20.00 for oil change$1.00 for coffeeTotal = $21.00Oil Changeinstructionsfor Men:1) Go to O' Reillys auto parts andwrite a checkfor $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty Litter,hand cleaner and a scented tree.2) Discover that the used oilcontainer is full. Instead of taking itback to O'Reilly to recycle, dumpin hole in back yard.3) Open a beer and drink it.4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minuteslooking for jack stands.5) Find jack stands under kid'spedal car.6) In frustration, open another beerand drink it.7) Place drain pan under engine.8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.9) Give up and use crescent wrench.10) Unscrew drain plug.11) Drop drain plug in pan of hotoil: get hot oil on you in process.12) Clean up mess.13) Have another beer whilewatching oil drain.14) Look for oil filter wrench.15) Give up; poke oil filter withscrewdriver and twist off.16) Beer.17) Buddy shows up; finish case ofbeer with him. Finish oil changetomorrow.18) Next day, drag pan full of oldoil out from underneath car.19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilledduring step 18.20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.22) Install new oil filter making sureto apply a thin coat of oil to gasketsurface.23) Dump first quart of fresh oilinto engine.24) Remember drain plug from step11.25) Hurry to find drain plug indrain pan.26) Discover that the used oil isburied in a hole in the back yard,along with drain plug.27) Drink beer.28) Uncover hole and sift for drainplug.29) Discover that first quart of freshoil is now on the floor.30) Drink beer.31) Slip with wrench tighteningdrain plug and bang knuckles onframe.32) Bang head on floor boards inreaction to step 31.33) Begin cussing fit.34) Throw wrench.35) Cuss for additional 10 minutesbecause wrench hit Miss December(1992) in her overabundant chest.35) Beer.36) Clean up hands and foreheadand bandage as required to stopbloodflow.37) Beer.38) Beer.39) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.40) Beer.41) Lower car from jack stands.42) Accidentally crush one of thejack stands.43) Move car back to apply morekitty litter to fresh oil spilled duringstep 23.44) Beer.45) Test drive car.46) Get pulled over: arrested fordriving under the influence.47) Car gets impounded.48) Make bail: Get car fromimpound yard.Money spent: $50.00 parts$25.00 beer$75.00 replacement set of jackstands$1,000.00 Bail$200.00 Impound and towing feeTotal = $1350.00
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