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Author: Snickmonsta Three stars, 500 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 44390  
Subject: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 9:55 AM
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I have a friend (woman A) who is moving out of the house she shares with her (now ex-)fiance because she found emails that he and another woman (woman B) were sending back and forth that were VERY flirtatious. He swears up and down that he did nothing physical with woman B, just the emails.

This got me to thinking... do you have to have a physical relationship to consider it cheating? Or does emails and flirting count?

There is a personal aspect to this. I'm a flirt by nature. I tend to goof with people and often go out of my way to make them feel good just cause I like to. This is a very difficult side of my personality to turn off.. and most guys that I've dated including the one now have been ok with this. But it has caused troubles in the past. So... what do you guys and gals think is cheating?

Juli
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Author: Scorn6 Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37545 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 10:38 AM
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It totally depends...there's flirty, and then there's "wow you looked sexy in that dress today". If the emails crossed that line, I wouldn't call it cheating but I would dump someone over it. It's Cheating-To-Be.

6

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Author: karen51 Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37546 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 10:54 AM
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Snickmonsta: I have a friend (woman A) who is moving out of the house she shares with her (now ex-)fiance because she found emails that he and another woman (woman B) were sending back and forth that were VERY flirtatious. He swears up and down that he did nothing physical with woman B, just the emails.

This got me to thinking... do you have to have a physical relationship to consider it cheating? Or does emails and flirting count?


I would consider the email exchange emotional cheating. IMHO, this is not the type of behavior one should engage in when seriously dating, engaged to, or married to another person.

This is not a hard-and-fast rule with me (there are exceptions and nuances to every situation), but just as my ethics smell test when I worked for the government was "would I be ashamed to see this on the front page of the Washington Post?" my relationship smell test is, "would I act this way in front of my SO?"

YMMV.

Karen

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Author: Pilotswife Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37550 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 12:03 PM
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Anything that you wouldn't want your significant other to hear, see, or read you do is cheating.

PW

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Author: Domingoknife Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37551 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 12:05 PM
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Anything that you wouldn't want your significant other to hear, see, or read you do is cheating.
PW


So if I fart relly loud, I'm cheating on my SO?

DK

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Author: 5SpeedFool Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37554 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 12:10 PM
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It's much more difficult to get inside a soul worth knowing than to get close to a body worth jumping. Cheating starts in the heart and mind long before it's physical.

5

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Author: scotaku Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37559 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 12:34 PM
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What karen51 said. ;)

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Author: scotaku Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37562 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 12:39 PM
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I have a friend (woman A) who is moving out of the house she shares with her (now ex-)fiance because she found emails that he and another woman (woman B) were sending back and forth that were VERY flirtatious. He swears up and down that he did nothing physical with woman B, just the emails.

I'm with the would-you-do-this-in-front-of-your-SO crowd.

However, what the heck was she doing in his email? Sounds like he may have lucked out of marrying someone who didn't trust him to begin with. Would she have read his email in front of him?

- Sco

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Author: karen51 Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37563 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 12:41 PM
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I'm with the would-you-do-this-in-front-of-your-SO crowd.

However, what the heck was she doing in his email? Sounds like he may have lucked out of marrying someone who didn't trust him to begin with. Would she have read his email in front of him?

- Sco


What scotaku said. ;^)

Karen

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Author: Hyacinthe Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37566 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 1:01 PM
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This got me to thinking... do you have to have a physical relationship to consider it cheating? Or does emails and flirting count?

I broke up with someone once because the emails and flirting led to a meeting...

--Hyacinthe

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Author: Hyacinthe Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37567 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 1:03 PM
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To clarify: I didn't read any of the emails, I confronted him about his rather long computer sessions and he admitted what was going on.

--Hyacinthe

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Author: Snickmonsta Three stars, 500 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37568 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 2:07 PM
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However, what the heck was she doing in his email? Sounds like he may have lucked out of marrying someone who didn't trust him to begin with. Would she have read his email in front of him?

Heh.. I was wondering if anyone would say something about that. She felt she had reason to not trust him. So she snooped. It's a wierd situation because both he and she are part of our "group" that we hang out with. So things are a little awkward right now. And.. kids are involved although only one is actually the biological daughter of one of them. The other is a nephew that the guy took custody of from his drug addicted sister and is severely handicapped. Very very complicated situation.

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Author: scotaku Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37569 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/7/2001 2:23 PM
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'Sounds to me like there's room for both people to apologize, forgive one another, and possibly salvage the relationship. He probably shouldn't be engaging in flirtations (online or otherwise) if he's serious about marriage. She clearly needs more in the way of trust so that she's not doubtful so much as to snoop his email. Complicated for sure, but not so much as to toss the engagement... but probably enough to postpone it while they get some help in relating. But they've both got to agree the other is worth the effort... not for the kids, but for each other.

- Sco

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Author: runlong Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37582 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/8/2001 12:53 AM
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Cheating is merging two bodies...

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Author: runlong Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37583 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/8/2001 12:59 AM
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When in a relationship or marriage why turn off the friendship sign? Sex can be had with a man and a man or a man and a woman - whatever becomes of people after they're committed should be their choice and not the choice of another or as a matter of compliance.

I don't expect my mate to behave. I expect my mate to love me. When the love stops they should go and not pretend - pretending is a candle not lit is really rather silly.

Rick

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Author: runlong Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37584 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/8/2001 1:03 AM
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I don't quite understand that or I'm concerned with what I understood it to mean - are you saying that anything you don't what your spouse to hear, see or read and he/she does is cheating? If so, that isn't cheating it's liberation. To be or not to be and I would rather BE...

I will add my name to this one.

Rick

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Author: MsVeeDub Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37614 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/10/2001 8:29 AM
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I don't expect my mate to behave.

I dunno Rick, I guess this would depend on if it's "behave" or:


<AustinPowers>
Be-HAYYYYYVE!
</AP>


Susan

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Author: Ascaris Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37627 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/10/2001 2:48 PM
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<This got me to thinking... do you have to have a physical relationship to consider it cheating? Or does emails and flirting count?>

If flirting in emails counts, there are a LOT of us on this board that are in big doo doo.

Ascaris


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Author: Snickmonsta Three stars, 500 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37628 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/10/2001 2:53 PM
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If flirting in emails counts, there are a LOT of us on this board that are in big doo doo.

True... I gauge it this way. I'm naturally a flirt as anyone who really knows me will tell you. Including my boyfriend. The line is if I felt I needed to hide something from him or anyone.. then there is a problem. But I don't. We talk about things I've written or said and laugh. He thinks I'm a goober. I love it.

Juli



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Author: runlong Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 37642 of 44390
Subject: Re: Ok.. so is this cheating.... Date: 12/10/2001 9:47 PM
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YES - and it's oh BEHAVE anywhere she wants it...

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