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Author: ThyPeace Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 308556  
Subject: Re: Bankrupt or try to 'gut it out'? Date: 10/31/2012 8:04 PM
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On the subject of marriage. First, I agree that this is the wrong place for figuring out marital troubles. If you want a forum for marriage stuff, try Marriage Builders. They're not perfect. But they work really hard and they care.

The best book I ever read (and I read a lot of them) about marital drama and how it works is a book called _Passionate Marriage_. It's hard to read. Graduate-level reading, maybe. But it's worth it.

While I'm recommending books, have a look at Steven Stosny's books. And _Ethics for a New Millenium_, by The Dalai Lama.

Check them out of the library, don't buy them!!

For both aoueid and aoueid's wife in particular: Yes, it's worth staying married for the kids. The exception is not "tension in the household." The exception is when there is massive abuse, neglect, addiction, or some other thing that makes it impossible for the KIDS to live normally.

One thing to remember is that kids live their own lives, and adult craziness can be completely ignored until it intrudes into that separate world. I grew up in a high-conflict family, and for most of my childhood, it really didn't matter. Only when the screaming fights started to include words like, "I'M LEAVING!!" and "I HATE THIS PLACE!!!" did it really start to affect me. Every childhood is different, of course, and what I want to focus on is that a child's experience of difficult times is very different than an adult's. My parents never did divorce, and I'm grateful for that.

So I suggest that you adults work on your adult stuff in a way that does not tear your kids' lives apart. It's one of the things that we do when we marry and have children. We make all kinds of sacrifices for them. One of the easiest, and also the hardest, is staying married. And learning to be partners. Like someone else on this thread said, harnessed to the same wagon, pulling in the same direction.

ThyPeace, also suggests that working together on any project, from budgeting to pine car derby racers, is good for a marriage. The "together" part is the important one.
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