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On top of it, my husband has asked Gram to work for us this summer in our farm business. And I know what will end up happening -- she will be here every day (again), in our house, in our fields, constantly talking at me and telling me what to do.

I think this may be your husband's way of helping. He's trying to redirect her. I doubt that will work.

Try this, write her a letter. No accusations, tell her you appreciate how much she has don for the family, etc. You love her dearly, but you are a new wife, and trying to fit into a family where there is already filling the family role of wife is very, very difficult. You want to forge a relationship with the kids as their step-mother, but you cannot because she is already doing all the work. Remind her of how much you appreciate all that she has done, but tell her you need her to take a step back and just be "Gram" for a while, and not "Mom", too. You know she's going to be very busy with your husband and the farm, so maybe the two at the same time will help.
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