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Author: harmy Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 6186  
Subject: OT Humour !! Date: 1/8/2002 3:42 PM
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Recommendations: 5
Hi Guys
A bit of OT humour to lighten the day !!
Regards
Harmy

http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=16419423
Subject: Fw:pilot to tower

Conversations that passengers normally don't hear. The following are
>> >accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers
>> >from around the world:
>> >
>> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a
>> >three-sixty-do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide
>> >spacing between aircraft.
>> >
>> >The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two
>> >thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"
>> >
>> >Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four
>> >thousand dollars' worth."
>> >
>> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach
>> >speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at
>> >the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off
>> >Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
>> >
>> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being
>> >vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City.
>> >
>> >KC Approach: "Malibu three-two Charlie, you're following a 727, one
>> >o'clock and three miles."
>> >
>> >Three-two Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."
>> >
>> >KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven
>> >o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"
>> >
>> >Delta 105 (in a thick southern drawl, after a long pause): "Well...I've
>> >got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a
>> >Chevelle."
>> >
>> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!"
>> >
>> >Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
>> >immediately!"
>> >
>> >Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
>> >
>> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
>> >
>> >Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
>> >after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
>> >the runway."
>> >
>> >Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
>> >124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern?"
>> >
>> >Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
>> >we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
>> >
>> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered
>> >lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but
>> >how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some
>> >amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange
>> >between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign
>> >"Speedbird 206":
>> >
>> >Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
>> >the active runway."
>> >
>> >Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."
>> >
>> >The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a
>> >stop.
>> >
>> >Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
>> >
>> >Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate
>> >location now."
>> >
>> >Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown
>> >to Frankfurt before?"
>> >
>> >Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type
>> >of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."
>> >
>> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker,
>> >one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
>> >
>> >United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got that
>> >Fokker in sight."
>> >
>> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich
>> >overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German):
>> >
>> >Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
>> >
>> >Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
>> >
>> >Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
>> >Germany. Why must I speak English?"
>> >
>> >Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the
>> >bloody war!"
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