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Author: MrsFourStarDave Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 12878  
Subject: Re: Danielle VanDam searchers Date: 3/23/2002 5:22 PM
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Paul, I have some thoughts, not about this particular family, but about parties and shopping after someone you love has died.

My husband died suddenly and tragically a year and a half ago. I loved him with my life and am grieving deeply and profoundly still.

However, had *I* been in the news for the week afer his death, people would have seen crying and grief, planning a funeral, blah, blah, blah and then a mere two weeks after his death, ONE week after the funeral, I would have been seen at a premier for a movie, laughing with friends.

Anyone who knew me would have been so happy that I was emotionally able to steel myself for those two hours to attend the movie written by a friend of mine (name drop, name drop, name drop: the brilliant Jim Flamberg for the great movie Nurse Betty) but anyone who didn't know me could have judged me the way you undoubtedly would have and in my opinion that would be drastically unfair.

You cannot grieve 24-7, you really can't even if you want to. Laughing and shopping and giving a party for people to thank them is not, in every case, indicative of guilt or coldness toward the departed. In fact, many people have parties right after funerals and they can be filled with joy and laughter (even booze, I'm told) as well as sentimental stories and tears.

I'm just saying.
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