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pmarti has some good suggestions; here are a few more.

Claim married and 9 exemptions on Lady Zog's W-4. This (while not TECHNICALLY legal) will reduce her withholding to nearly zero. Yu aren't SUPPOSED to claim more exemptions than you have, however the IRS doesn't care if it's less than 10. Adjust your withholding so that it is enough to cover the both of you.

I am in a somewhat similar boat (DW is a contract employee with HIGHLY variable pay) and have become quite good at calculating liability and withholding. Go to - it will tell you EXACTLY how much SHOULD be withheld per check. If LadyZog's withholding varies considerably, would bring this to the attention of payroll (or use above strategy) and consider pmarti suggestion #3 depending on response.

$20,000 refund sounds ridiculous - I don't think you would OWE $20K unless you make $150K+ There may be some law against this, but way outside my circle of competence.

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