Trust your insticts, choose your Sons.
Wives of Sons are greedy, so you are right not to choose married Sons.
When it comes to money and valuables always choose blood Relatives.
Click here to see results so far.
Click here to see results so far.
Often it is the personal things (jewelry or grandmothers dishes) that cause more hard feelings than money. Money and property are much easier to divide. I suggest that you specificly leave those things to whom ever you want to have them. If you want your daughters to have your jewelry, leave it to them, specifically. It could be done in your will, but it also could be done with a list that is referred to in the will. Need to check with a lawyer. I am leaving all my personal possessions to one sister. I know that she will follow my list and divide the other things fairly. She knows what things are family things and knows that I feel strongly that those go to the girls. If she cannot do this, then all of personal possessions go to my three nieces to divide according to my list and as they decide. There is a provision to take care of a situation of total disagreement.My sister and I feel very stongly that if you want posessions to stay in the family then they should go to the females. This is based on many observations over the years. My sisters and I were very hurt when the possessions of a very special Aunt were taken to the Salvation Army without asking us if we would like anything. Fortunately someone saw a very special item there and bought it and gave it to us. This is my view. If you want your daughters or granddaughters to have something, leave it to them or even better, give it to them while you are still living. I remember when my niece got one of Mother's rings. She will wear it until she gives it to her own daughter. I recently gave my niece our Grandmother's diamond that I got at about her age. It was a real joy.
I didn't vote, but I'm always in favor of trusting ones instincts. I do suggest you find verbiage other than "I don't trust those greedy witches you married" when explaining your choice.That said, even more important is for you to make clear to your executors, whoever they be, what your intentions are. If there are particular items that you want to go to particular people, say so now. The more information everyone has while you live, the less chance that your legacy will be a family divided.TMF ExROPhil Marti
I really agree that money is usually a lot easier to divide than posessions.My parents family was badly broken apart over an inheritance. One brother took everything and left all the others out. They never spoke to him again.I think my generation has learned from this and have had moch more amicable distributions, often well before the actual death. Everyone seems to enjoy handing out their possessions while they can enjoy the reaction of the recipient. Good luck. Jim
I think whether this works or not will depend *a lot* on how well your children get along with each other. You say, "I figure that my daughters can ask their brothers for any of my possessions." And will their brothers comply with their requests?? And what about the sons who you have *not* named as executors. Will they be comfortable in asking their brothers for things?My mother died a few years ago, leaving 2 sons and a daughter (me). She named one son as executor -- but then stated plainly in her will which specific things she wanted to go to which child (omitting spouses). She went on further to specify that we -- the children -- were to meet (without spouses) at her house to divide up her possessions, claiming what we wanted, and disposing of the rest. Now -- our spouses did come. And sat in the kitchen drinking coffee, grousing about how they were "left out", and coming to help us when we'd picked out something we wanted (or laid claim to those things she had specified).There were only a few minor squabbles, mostly an amicable couple of days. When we left, the brother/executor had a garage sale, disposed of the rest, put the money in with the rest of the estate, and continued to divide it accordingly.But this way we didn't feel like we had to "ask" anyone for anything...just worked it out among ourselves.
I think you are doing the right cause mama did not raise no fool.RealCount
I voted to trust your instincts, but I have a warning. I have seen an estate with just two heirs, both of them executors and equally powerful in decision making authority for the estate. They cannot agree on the management of the estate and no one has a deciding vote. What are your wishes in case your two sons (the executors) cannot agree, for example, on whether a particular child of yours receives a particular item from your estate? A wants to give it to B and C wants to give it to D. Neither A nor C will give in, and feelings are rising. Now what?I recommend some tie-breaking procedure that will avoid lawyers and hard-feelings. How about making just one of the sons your executor, asking him to consider consultations with your other heirs but not requiring these consultations and allowing him to follow his own final judgement?Chips, who has seen far too much dissension in families quarrelling over estates
Being the Mother of 5 Sons, and 3 daughters, I have chosen two, of my Sons to be my Executors... unmarried because I don't trust Wives. I really don't like the way they look at my jewelry or other things of value. I figure that my Daughters can ask their Brothers for any of my possessions. My question is: Have any of you Fools come up against this situation? Am I doing the right thing? Regards: KellyDear Kelly: My experience is that you should treat all your children equally unless there is a medical reason not to. Making your daughters have to ask their brothers for possessions is demeaning and infantilizing. Being a daughter whose father treated his son as an adult and his daughters as stupid and incapable of "understanding," I know how resentful and angry I felt. You can go around the room with your own children and ask them what they want. Just put a label on the bottom of object with child's name on it or write out a list, of jewelry, say. The inlaws of both sexes have nothing to do with your estate. I was left with the feeling that my father didn't trust me or think of me, ever as an adult. I am 63 now and still get mad when I think about it. May you live a long and heathly life. Gailcalled
Best Of |
Favorites & Replies |
Start a New Board |
My Fool |