A Foolish Interview with cmonkey Add to My Favorite Fools Add to My Penalty Box

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The Fool: Okay you have been asked onto Desert Island Discs what 8 records, one book and a luxury item do you take with you?
cmonkey: Wilco - Summerteeth
Elvis Costello - My Aim is True
John Prine - untitled first album
John Eliot Gardiner - Handel's Messiah
Aretha Franklin - The complete Atlantic recordings
Fats Waller - A Good Man is Hard to Find
David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (re-released with extra tracks)
Billy Bragg - Talking to the Tax Man About Poetry

Tim O'Brien - The Things They Carried

A fully equipped sailboat
The Fool: Should the UK enter the Euro? Why, or why not?
cmonkey: Aren't they already part of Europe? Perhaps they'd be better served to enter the US instead. We could teach them to spell, display the wonders of oral hygine, and get them off that marmite habit. It's crippled stronger countries, you know.
The Fool: In what way would society be different if bears had become the dominant sentient species?
cmonkey: Hibernation Day would certainly be celebrated in the manner it deserves: all enemies would be stuffed into a large wicker basket and burned after the dessert course.

Nail and coat care would certainly be more important than it is right now, and you can be damned sure that garbage cans would be a lot easier to get into.
The Fool: What's the best product you use that most people don't know about?
cmonkey: It's a little-known product that attracts beagles like flies to honey. I'm just *swimming* in them.
The Fool: Tell us about your greatest personal success, not necessarily finance related.
cmonkey: Unless they've gone and added someone else, there are at least 20 people on my lovers list who love only me. And they are all lurkers. I have this *effect* on lurker-types, I guess.

See for yourself:
The Fool: Is outer space teeming with life? Or are we alone?
cmonkey: Why worry about outerspace? Your gut is doing plenty of its own teeming. Or your eyelashes. Did you know you have bugs living in your eyelash follicles? Yes you do. And then there are the poor slobs who have a Difilobothrium latum infestation. That's a fish tapeworm that can reach lengths of 20 meters. And don't make the mistake of thinking these bad boys come one to a package. They generally travel in groups. So put down the telescope, pick up a microscope, and revel in the universe of you! Plus, it's a lot closer than Alpha Centuri.
The Fool: How'd you find out about the Fool? (Make your answer as colorful and truthful as possible.)
cmonkey: Blue, yellow red magenta pink, Brown Black orange mauve (honestly!) maroon-maroon. Orange-red grey black, cyan hazel plaid, seafoam cornflower; slate puce white rose!
The Fool: Your most heroic moment in life?
cmonkey: I once saved an entire Amazonian village from rampaging fire ants, using only a shovel and a glass of water.
The Fool: As you were growing up (or now, raising children), did your family have any distinctive rituals or practices others might do well to emulate?
cmonkey: Well, my father used to put his enemies in a big wicker basket and burns it out on a small island on Hibernation Day. Recently we pretty much moved away from that and started offering up household electronics instead. I find it not only appeases the gods but helps the local economy immeasurably.
The Fool: What's the strangest thing you've ever seen?
cmonkey: Strange really depends on your frame of mind at the time. Once, I saw a group of rollerskating nuns whizzing down the street in San Francisco. They all had beards and wore too much makeup.

Another time, I saw a two-headed snake. So I guess it depends on the day.
The Fool: Did Lee Harvey Oswald act alone?
cmonkey: As far as I can reconstruct from his clips, he was never in a one-man show. I did read that his portryal in Parsifal was masterful.
The Fool: What industry do you follow most closely and why?
cmonkey: Buses. They're everywhere. The days that I drive to work, I'm *always* following a bus.
The Fool: What's the best advice you've ever received?
cmonkey: "Don't touch that."
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