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Question for you or anyone else that wants to chime in. Based on my own anecdotal observations, long marriages or divorces tend to run in families. Families that have long stable marriages tend to have children that will have stable marriages. Families where there are a number of divorces in past generations will tend to continue that trend. I could be that the model we've chosen for our finances is something that also worked with parents and grandparents.


I don't know how true that is. My mother and father never divorced, but I was led to believe (somewhere along the way) that they stayed together because of me. I don't know how true that is, either. I do know that they were blue-collar, hard working people who never had anything like what we would call savings. My father was sick for many many years and the insurance company finally cancelled his healthcare policy. What happened after that, I'm not sure. I think maybe they had only one bank account - and maybe a bank savings account. I married the first time very young and left home so I don't really know.

My marriage (the first one) lasted 18 years. So it wasn't exactly an overnight thing. My current marriage has lasted over 30 years. He still thinks I'm cute. :) I wonder, often, about his eyesight.

We both came into the marriage having been married before. In my marriage I had literally no power. I wasn't mistreated physically - but often took an emotional blow. I grew to be very unhappy. In his marriage, his wife spent every penny she could get her hands on and he was still paying off her bills when I met him.

As has been said here, everyone's situation and history is different. And everyone will, of course, decide for themselves how to handle finances. But I still maintain that both (male and female) should always have money that belongs only to them that they manage, invest, spend as they choose - and which, if circumstances change somewhere down the road and they need to leave, will afford them the power to do it.

That just doesn't sound unreasonable to me. For anyone.


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