"My biggest problem has been people's inability to understand his issues..."

Understanding socially appropriate behavior is a big problem - perhaps the biggest if a child is otherwise functional.

Our daughter, age 13, is socially delayed to about age 10-11. She will pop out with really inappropriate (even if observant) statements. For example, asking total strangers their age. Just yesterday a couple of goth looking college students were walking by our house and DD said "I can see her bra, that's trashy". That was good for a dirty look. Generally however, we have found most people, particularly young people, understanding of her somewhat strange ways.

One thing we found useful, particularly when she was young was Carol Gray's social stories as a way of eliciting socially appropriate responses. http://www.thegraycenter.org/social-stories/what-are-social-...

Sorry about your ex. You would think after 17 years he would understand your son is not just "spoiled". Early on, my mom thought that too.

Regards. Thetis.