To ensure that we Americans never offend anyone -- particularly fanatics intent on killing us -- airport screeners are not allowed to profile people. They will, however, continue to perform random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips.Let's pause a moment and take the following test:In 1972, 11 Israeli athletes were killed at the Munich Olympics by:(a) Grandma Moses; (b) The night cleaning crew at Rockefeller Center; (c) Invaders from Mars; or (d) Arab Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by: (a) Norwegians from the Lichen Herbarium of the University of Oslo; (b) Elvis; (c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or (d) Arab Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by: (a) A pizza delivery boy; (b) Crazed feminists complaining that having to throw a grenade beyond its own burst radius in basic training was an unfair and sexist job requirement; (c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or (d) Arab Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by: (a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2"; (b) The Tooth Fairy; (c) Butch and Sundance, who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from their train mission; or, (d) Arab Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40. In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed by: (a) The entire cast of "Cats"; (b) Martha Stewart; (c) Cheese-crazed tourists from Wisconsin; or (d) Arab Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania a were bombed by: (a) Mr. Rogers; (b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems; (c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain: "Mustafa the Merciless"; or (d) Arab Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.On 9/11/01 four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by: (a) Bugs Bunny, Will E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd. (b) The US Supreme Court, (c) Barney; or (d) Arab Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.This proves beyond a reasonable doubt that the ACLU is completely right, and that we should never use racial profiling -- even though it would easily save thousands of American lives.
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