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I don't know what to say. . .

I miss him so much, four years later, that it hurts. Things happen everyday that I wish he were here to see or hear.

Capital Metro is going to raise bus rates and rates for its disabled door-to-door shared ride service, Special Transit Services. As a frequent bus rider, I wonder what he would have thought about the rate hike.

Our radio station, KGSR, plays songs every day that remind me of him and how much we enjoyed listening to it together. Our song was a country song by Merle Haggard called "Natural High" because he had gotten into AA prior to our getting together and I still can't hear that song without crying.

I'm living in a group home now with ten other people and I wonder what he would think about me having so much "company!" We were always pretty self-contained, an entity unto ourselves and a few close friends, with whom I am still in touch. And we always still talk about him.

It still sounds funny, rolling off my lips, "I'm a widow," when people ask my marital status. Very funny indeed. I have sometimes, when filling out forms, checked the "Married" box and then had to change it.

It's not like I spend my days moping around, missing him. There's just so much that reminds me of him, it is like he is constantly over my shoulder, gently talking to me--not really!

He is my Angel.

Cathy "Cat"
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Yup, saying "I'm a widow" always stings.

Even after many years, though, when I get to feeling overwhelmed and think I can't do something, I "hear" my DH teasing me, "Are you a woman or a Wuss?" It always makes me laugh, and reminds me to take on the harder stuff one thing at a time, and in little bites.

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