No. of Recommendations: 11
(SUper long and scrolly)

She does the grocery shopping because I 'can't' do it. No energy.

No- we are not all the same, but what are your options?
Continuing like this? or making changes WHich ARE HARD

When i was 40 and working 3 jobs* and taking care of kids and yard and house and laundry and grocery - I did it because there was NOT another option, not because i had *all this energy*
Gingko has her own business, there is no fall back for her.

ADD (seriously, I take meds for it). ADDers get overwhelmed when faced with a bunch of choices. ADDers are IMPULSIVE.

I still maintain the this is something YOU should take over.
Just because you work and she has excuses, which you resent, does not mean that your excuses get to perpetuate not DOING something.
(another obligatory anecdote to follow at the bottom of this post)

Where do you live?
Stop going to *name brand* stores (never go to a Super Walmart- yes the prices might be better, the choices are overwhelming- they are to me anyway)
and start going to an Aldi or PriceRite or equivalent store with FEWER choices. Only one or two brands.

Change the frequency of store visits
When I go to the store I spend the same amount of money every time.
Example:
If I go once a week, I spend $75, once every 2 weeks $75
Once every 3-4 weeks, I still spend @ $75

So go to the store LESS OFTEN
Don't go to the store when you are *out* of something - just BE OUT of something until the next scheduled store visit, and maybe next time buy 2.

The expectations and mindset for you (and your wife and kids) has to change.


peace & changing behaviors
t



*just 6 years ago, I was working three jobs and I do have a degree, but it was a rough economic , and i needed 3 jobs (as an Inventory manager, Bartender, cashier) to make less than half of what I had been making

** Your situation sounds A LOT like that of someone I know.
He works his ass off 5-60 hours a week, and she sometimes works from home part time.
She used to run a day care out of the home when the kids were little, but now they are in school. She works maybe 20 hours a week and has *reasons* that she *can't* work anywhere outside the home.
She says her husband "likes" her to be home, in case he needs her to do something. But she never does anything for him.
She doesn't keep the house up, she doesn't have dinner on the table, she doesnt do the grocery shopping, and she has all the time in the world to do it
but she just DOES NOT
I have talked iwth her about making lunch for her husband when he goes to work (which would save them probably $40/week.
She WON't do it because No one makes MY lunch
Well, with that attitude, how could anything get done?

Is that equity in the household ?
NO
DOes her husband want to make sure they don't lose the house? (which is a current possibility)
Yes
So he sucks it up and does more than his share- but the choice is to stay married - which is still cheaper than a divorce.
I mean, no one makes MY lunch either, but when I am home, I make lunch for everyone in the household, (because that is a tenth of the cost of purchasing)
I work way more hours than my significant other, and i still do 80% of the cooking/cleaning/housework/feeding & walking dogs when I am not traveling - this has nothing to do with energy level, I do it because it HAS to be done.

If you have read this far- here is my point-
Behavior has to change.
For both of you.
or nothing will change
AND ONE OF YOU has to make the first steps- you cannot just wait for her to *get it* -
It is like exercising - Your attitude now is like waiting until you are *in shape* to go to the gym/start running
If you do that you will never make any progress... so start by doing one thing.
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