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Author: ohiocheryl Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 2746  
Subject: Re: Moving Toward Divorce Date: 12/14/2003 8:25 AM
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Thanks for the insight. Sometimes you just need someone to cut through all the excuses and get to the core of the issue. All the peripheral stuff swims around in my head (finances, children, housing, job etc) and overwhelms me and then I get paralyzed by the possibilities and do ...little.

"I strongly suggest you look for an apartment now, and move out in January.

Doing this stuff in stages is like amputating a limb with a fork.
Do it fast."

I think you are right about this. I have been moving slowly thinking I will do something when my daughter graduates....6 mos. from now. But knowing I need to take action and not.....is so emotionally draining. I feeling like I am aging myself by knowingly staying in the wrong situation waiting for some perfect time. I feel like I am living a lie - knowing what is best for me....but staying and trying to create normalcy during the interim. I am a master at fixing things....smoothing things over....making things ok.... following his negative comments, yelling ...outbursts etc. Somewhere deep inside I know that simply leaving is the best thing. I have asked him for years to go to counseling....but he is not willing. And the counselor pointed out to me that this is not a recent development or problem we need to work through. This is the dynamics of the way our relationship has always been from the beginning. Very controlling and overall...negative. The issues have escalated over time as I have wanted to exert more of my own independence and as the children's issues have become more complex (teenagers) - things that aren't properly addressed by simply yelling or demanding that it be his way. He is lousy at building two-way relationships. It is basically simply his way. But I struggle with making the change....because it is all I have known for 19 years.....and I got married at 19. So I have a fear - probably an irrational fear....of being totally on my own. Anyway, after the weekend is over I may make some phone calls about a house or apartment....thanks for motivating me to move forward....and perhaps faster.

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