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Author: ClabberGirl Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 5113  
Subject: Re: Help with transition! Date: 3/2/2009 7:09 AM
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Thanks to everyone for the suggestions.

I think this is going to end up becoming a discussion / confrontation with Gram about how I'd like things to go around here, and I think it goes WAY beyond homeschool.

The thing is, both of our "ways" are currently acceptable, but of course, I think mine is "better" and she thinks hers is.

Above and beyond our issues with homeschooling are issues of boundaries that I think I need to talk about with my husband and see if we can't try to limit her involvement in our family a bit.

I am noticing again how deeply interlaced her life is with ours and it is really getting to me...maybe with the baby coming, it's making me feel much more threatened than usual.

When she's here (which is nearly every day through the week), she talks AT us non-stop about what we should be doing, how we should be doing things, how SHE does things, how her daughter does things with HER kids -- everything from schooling, to parenting, to food, to work, to ... everything. When she goes home -- blessed moment in my day!! -- she immediately gets on the phone and starts calling my husband or me. She likes to "remind" us about things (did we put the dates on the calendar for my step-daughter's dance competition? Did we remember to call the doctor about step-son? Have we called the kids' mother to tell her whatever?). As soon as she gets home, she gets on the Yahoo messenger and starts badgering my husband about the same things. And if we aren't immediately responsive to her, she gets paranoid and huffy. I have quit using Yahoo messenger because I was tired of her constant messaging. I often don't answer the phone when she calls; I will wait to check the message, or I will call her back when I have a better opportunity. She has a key to our house, and rarely calls before coming over. She continually makes comments about our food choices and lifestyle. I don't know what to do. And, this is a petty issue that makes me feel bad, but the truth is, she is a little hard of hearing, and it makes her talk VERY loudly in the house. I am kind of sensitive in this way; I like things to be peaceful and a little more calm. She is hustling and bustling around, yelling out whatever comes into her mind, and if she is in a different room, she does not hesitate to SCREAM at whomever she is trying to talk with (if she knows the kids are upstairs, she will just HOLLER at them). Can't stand it.

And I think my husband is so accustomed to it that, as much as it upsets him, he thinks there is no other way.

What, oh what oh what can I do?

I want her to butt out. If I had my choice, she'd live a lot farther away, and we'd be in charge of our own family -- we'd make our homeschooling decisions, along with the kids' mom, and she'd just be grandma. But that's not realistic at the moment.

On top of it, my husband has asked Gram to work for us this summer in our farm business. And I know what will end up happening -- she will be here every day (again), in our house, in our fields, constantly talking at me and telling me what to do.

Is it too much to want to be alone with my family and make our own decisions and not be judged and watched by her all the time? I think this may be my bigger issue -- homeschooling is just one part of it.

Sigh. Thanks for your advice. Sorry for the drama. Wish it was easier and wish it didn't all make me feel like a rotten, selfish person.

Clabber
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