All cleaned up for the oh so sensitive Censors That Be:What's that noise that I hear? All that spinning and whirling?Dr. Seuss in his grave, like a pinwheel he's twirling.His Cat in the Hat, his wonderful bookIs a travesty, a horror. Oh no! I can't look!Mike Meyers is awful, he's crass and he's crude,He's gassy, a cynic, he's foul and he's lewd.He shows his bare butt, has one snit after snitHe spells out a car with the acronym S.*.*.TSings about snipping some other cat's ballsAnd slams little children against their Mom's walls.The kids, oh, the kids, they are so without joyAn unpleasant girl and a psychotic boyWho are told to stay indoors and playOn a cold rainy day while their Mom is away.Mom is a real estate broker named JoanWho raises the boy and the girl all alone.Her boyfriend is creepy and slimy and vile(For all we know he could be a pedophile).To military academy he wishes to sendThe boy and the girl, and his problems will end.In comes the Cat, with Thing Two and Thing OneAnd three lawyers and contracts. A measure for funThat tells him the kids are no fun, they so lack..I swear Things One and Two are on crackThey bounce off the walls, they shriek and they runThe kids don't look like they're having much fun.And then they must their little dog save.Why is Paris Hilton at a Cat Hat Rave?That scene was so dumb, so pointless, so crapI think I will just take a nap.No dice! It's too loud! It's too bright! It's too glaring!The lights are all flashing, the noise is all blaring.One hour, twenty minutes in my seat I satMourning the rape of the Cat in the Hat.First the Grinch, now the Cat, and wondering I amWho's next? Sam and his Green Eggs and Ham?I hope not, I pray not, one icon please saveAnd keep Dr. Seuss from a dizzying grave.
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