No. of Recommendations: 126
All cleaned up for the oh so sensitive Censors That Be:

What's that noise that I hear? All that spinning and whirling?
Dr. Seuss in his grave, like a pinwheel he's twirling.
His Cat in the Hat, his wonderful book
Is a travesty, a horror. Oh no! I can't look!

Mike Meyers is awful, he's crass and he's crude,
He's gassy, a cynic, he's foul and he's lewd.
He shows his bare butt, has one snit after snit
He spells out a car with the acronym S.*.*.T
Sings about snipping some other cat's balls
And slams little children against their Mom's walls.

The kids, oh, the kids, they are so without joy
An unpleasant girl and a psychotic boy
Who are told to stay indoors and play
On a cold rainy day while their Mom is away.

Mom is a real estate broker named Joan
Who raises the boy and the girl all alone.
Her boyfriend is creepy and slimy and vile
(For all we know he could be a pedophile).
To military academy he wishes to send
The boy and the girl, and his problems will end.

In comes the Cat, with Thing Two and Thing One
And three lawyers and contracts. A measure for fun
That tells him the kids are no fun, they so lack..
I swear Things One and Two are on crack
They bounce off the walls, they shriek and they run
The kids don't look like they're having much fun.
And then they must their little dog save.
Why is Paris Hilton at a Cat Hat Rave?
That scene was so dumb, so pointless, so crap
I think I will just take a nap.

No dice! It's too loud! It's too bright! It's too glaring!
The lights are all flashing, the noise is all blaring.
One hour, twenty minutes in my seat I sat
Mourning the rape of the Cat in the Hat.
First the Grinch, now the Cat, and wondering I am
Who's next? Sam and his Green Eggs and Ham?
I hope not, I pray not, one icon please save
And keep Dr. Seuss from a dizzying grave.
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