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the issue is basically Permissive Mother Syndrome

I guess that works better under some conditions than others.

I was a permissive mother (it's a syndrome?!). The worst thing I think I ever said to my kids was "Don't be a drag." I was not only horrified by spanking/hitting, but by time-outs, and reminding kids of rules in front of other people.

But my way worked for my calm, intelligent children who barely needed reminders of my only rule: be considerate/golden rule. I always brought snacks & drinks so my kids never had low-sugar or dehydration meltdowns. I always had a small toy/book/art supplies with me in case of boredom, but even so, I seldom kept them on the go longer than I felt was age-appropriate (didn't force them to exist on adult comfort in childhood).

We were working poor when they were little so no money for "spoiling" either. Perhaps permissiveness works best under those conditions.
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