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the only thing that keeps me alive is the fact that i am terrified of dying. and some good friends bearing kind words. and the fact that life can be so beautiful sometimes.

but some of us DO feel the constant weight of crushing tens thousands millions of needles boring into our brains knowing that somewhere a three year old boy just starved to death. two seconds later a four year old girl dead of aids. five seconds later a baby thrown in a trash can, its fragile chance at life backseat to a craving. one second later a woman loading lumber into her car shot dead standing next to her husband. forty people dead in a bombed discotheque. 200 dead in a landslide. yes this dread knowledge and feeling has a constant impact on my mind, but yet i live, due to the reasons listed above.

i guess it's well and good most people have these filters and only grieve when someone buys the farm who is similar to them. i wouldn't want to wish this insanity of empathy on anyone else.

ah well, gabe, as they say, "stfu" and stop being so young and dumb.

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