Hi folks. Thought I'd post this here. Hope you like it.Mike^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^"Cats" is the longest-running show on Broadway to date. Theshow romanticizes and shrouds in mystery the lives andhabits of America's most popular pet. Yet, even with thelively dancing and popular songs, "Cats" doesn't seem tocapture the true-to-life behavior of our feline companions.Below is a list of what "Cats" would have to do to moreaccurately portray the true essence of cats.* Audience members would enter the auditorium only to findtheir seats had been clawed and covered with fur.* The antagonist in the show would be a giant vacuumcleaner.* Sometimes the cast would perform, but sometimes not -depending on their mood.* Performers would leap off the stage and run up the aislesat the recorded sound of a can opener in the lobby.* When certain audience members opened their playbills, acast member would attempt to lay down on it.* In the middle of a performance various cast members wouldcurl up and go to sleep, even in the middle of a song.* For no apparent reason, cast members would randomly run tothe lobby, and then back to the stage at top speed. Theywould then continue as if nothing had happened.* A special audience member would find a headless bird inhis/her seat after the intermission.* Snack bar employees would constantly be reprimanding castmembers for walking on the counter.* Open the stall door and guess who is drinking from thetoilet.* Part of the performance would include the cast climbingand shredding the theater curtains.* The stage would be stained from someone coughing up ahairball and then eating it.* Performers would find sand in the lobby ashtrays and --well, we don't have to draw a picture here, do we?* The show would need to be stopped several times to allowcast members to "bathe" themselves.* Most of the final act would consist of the cast juststaring at the audience.* The big finale would feature a giant ball of yarn,feathers on a pole, and stray strands of dental floss.* Theater patrons waiting outside the stage door afterperformances would get their legs rubbed, if they werelucky.* Cast members would never cash their paychecks, just playwith them.
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