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The thing that puzzled me in the OP is that the minister didn't seem to know what's going on, and the way I read Pub 15-A this is done only by mutual agreement of the church and the minister.

1> "mutual agreement" may mean Sally the office manager/secretary asked the person, and they said yes - but really didn't know what they agreed to.

2> I would not assume that the OP's wife is a minister for tax law purposes. I don't think the title of "Assistant minister" is what matters. It's what the person does.
As far as I can tell from this it sounds like they are being paid as a minister, but I would double check on that.
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