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It is difficult to admit you have a drinking problem, isn't it?

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No joke. It's been 112 days for me. Never thought I'd do it, didn't think there was really a problem, didn't know what a crutch it was, etc.

Stopped primarily because I wanted to try a new fitness program and, whoops! something's gotta give. So the drinks went down. It was a 3 month fitness program (that's over, good results) but now I'm soooo reluctant (scared?) to try and resume (knowing now what it did to me and my life).

So I'm dry for now.

And so much I used to do and associate with a cocktail in hand I've let go of. I have to re-invent my life over again.

What fun.


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It is a slow board - wish it was like the smoking board but it is a very touchy subject. I am a closet drinker - at least that was said - and each day goes by I say the following morning why did I just do that? I have a great marriage, three wonderful kids, and am very active in the community, from coaching to charity to being on several boards. Mind you - I never have had a drink before or during any activity, but after everything is over (around 9:00 p.m.) I will grab a cocktail.

Not sure why - just weakness I guess.

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I never have had a drink before or during any activity, but after everything is over (around 9:00 p.m.) I will grab a cocktail.


I wouldn't think having ONE cocktail really is a problem (unless for some reason it is for you). For me the one glass of wine will too often-- almost always-- lead to another and another, etc. That is a problem for me, so I try to make it difficult (impossible) for me to have the first glass.

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I am a closet drinker - at least that was said

to redsox (and others)

An activity, such as drinking, can be defined as being a problem if it "causes problems." So, unless your drinking "causes" problems, it may not be a problem. Based on my experience (33 years since my last drink) you would not be "controlling" when you drink unless you know or suspect that drinking can cause a problem. It may be hard to honestly consider the problems it may cause, but you state that you still have a "great marriage, kids, etc." I still had my job, my marriage, no arrests or DWI but could not guarantee my behavior after one drink, and thus "reluctantly quit" by going to AA. My protestations against being "alcoholic" for such reasons was greeted by the reply "yet." I was honest enough to be willing to try "sobriety" a day at a time, and it has worked well.

I know that I did things at times after drinking that I would not have done sober, including arguing with my wife. When I listened to others telling of their experiences, I heard some scary things. I chose to try not drinking as an "insurance" against such events, and have not been sorry.

Are the "pleasures" you get from drinking worth the risks you take? I decided they were not for me. I still attend AA on a regular basis. (In fact, I am leading our group tonight.) We attempt to show people how they can enjoy life without alcohol or mind changing substances, and usually enjoy it much more. I celebrated 50 years with my first wife this year, and we get along quite well. It is for sure that would not be the case had I drank for even one year more.

Seriously and honestly balancing the advantages and disadvantages of drinking is hard but necessary to make a good decision. If you can honestly say there are no problems, that your behavior does not affect your wife and children (I cannot see how it would not), then I would not see any reason to stop or to "control" your drinking. From your reporting that you do not drink before various events, I might say "thank you" because I consider that there would be risks involved and I appreciate those who do not "drink and drive" or "drink and socialize" or even "drink and do almost anything." My attitude suffered from my drinking even when I was not drinking. Stating that another way, I had poor attitudes and drinking became a symptom. If I drank, I cared less about other people's safety or happiness than my own and behaved in selfish and arrogant ways.

Good luck to you, Gapfan
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Hi Gapfan. I'm so glad to see that you are still on this board. I like your brand of AA! I will be celebrating my 42nd year sober in May and I still attend meetings. They just help me with the small ducks that continue to peck at me, i.e. speaking too quickly, selfishness, lax in my spiritual walk, etc. etc. Also, I have seen too many people
who have years of sobriety stop going to meetings and eventually return to drinking. I've been to too many funerals where that was the case.

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Hi OKlady8. It is nice to see your post and to hear you are still attending meetings. Congratulations as you approach your 42nd year sober. I too appreciate hearing people state how they continue to hear people who "get back" to meetings what has happened to them. Most that I hear sharing are about the troubles that occurred which might or might not have caused them to return to drinking. I am sure that I could soon forget just how serious drinking had become for me, how I wished to "end it all" and for a solution. How lucky I was to find people who were kind and compassionate who would share what worked for them. I fortunately was not "forced" to attend AA, and was "shocked" to find that I "qualified" without losing "everything yet." I had kept my job, my wife, my home and many things but saw that I was on my way to losing all of them one way or another.

It is truly a pleasure to participate on a regular basis in my group. It is a small group, one of about 30 meetings a week in a small community. As a small meeting, each of us gets to participate in almost every meeting to share our experience on a specific subject. This coming Friday it will be on the subject of "Paradoxes" from the "Daily Reflections" book because I am "chairing" again. This last week we had a visitor who needed help maintaining his short sobriety while traveling on a 10 day trip in a car with "family." What a help both for him with his need and for a refresher for the rest of us with our relationships with others.

I recently read the article in Newsweek with some comments on some of the newer treatment centers. Interesting how the "business of treatment" is becoming very expensive. I think I am happy for anyone who makes it to sobriety, but I am sure happy for the people who helped me without charge out of their willingness to limiting the suffering of fellow alcoholics. I made 34 years this last December and hope for many more.

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