No. of Recommendations: 1
ThyPeace wrote:
On the subject of marriage. First, I agree that this is the wrong place for figuring out marital troubles. If you want a forum for marriage stuff, try Marriage Builders. They're not perfect. But they work really hard and they care.

^^OK. Thank you for the tip.

The best book I ever read (and I read a lot of them) about marital drama and how it works is a book called _Passionate Marriage_. It's hard to read. Graduate-level reading, maybe. But it's worth it.

^^I have a copy of it. I just haven't read it yet.

Check them out of the library, don't buy them!!

^^I have not bought any books in over 5 weeks now. A new personal record for me. I want to keep the streak going. I have no need for ANY more books.

For both aoueid and aoueid's wife in particular: Yes, it's worth staying married for the kids. The exception is not "tension in the household." The exception is when there is massive abuse, neglect, addiction, or some other thing that makes it impossible for the KIDS to live normally.

^^Thank you. I agree with you.

One thing to remember is that kids live their own lives, and adult craziness can be completely ignored until it intrudes into that separate world. I grew up in a high-conflict family, and for most of my childhood, it really didn't matter. Only when the screaming fights started to include words like, "I'M LEAVING!!" and "I HATE THIS PLACE!!!" did it really start to affect me. Every childhood is different, of course, and what I want to focus on is that a child's experience of difficult times is very different than an adult's. My parents never did divorce, and I'm grateful for that.

^^Thank you. I find that encouraging. Her parents divorced. My parents divorced. It was very hard on me. I don't want us to do it to our daughters. I think it would be immature and selfish. I am an idiot a lot of times, and I am sorry for that and have told her so, but I am not ABUSIVE.

So I suggest that you adults work on your adult stuff in a way that does not tear your kids' lives apart. It's one of the things that we do when we marry and have children. We make all kinds of sacrifices for them. One of the easiest, and also the hardest, is staying married. And learning to be partners. Like someone else on this thread said, harnessed to the same wagon, pulling in the same direction.

^^Agreed. Thank you.

ThyPeace, also suggests that working together on any project, from budgeting to pine car derby racers, is good for a marriage. The "together" part is the important one.

^^Excellent point. Thank you for your time and valuable suggestions/wisdom. It is much appreciated by me. DDW
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