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Time for another little Mikie story. Please refer to my earlier link.

My son Mikie, now almost 4, is a real b*****d. I ran short on beer last Saturday so I grabbed my little hoodlum and loaded up the Excursion (damn, that things big) and drove over to the grocery store. I whip the monster into a handicap spot and we are off. Now, Mikie, he lives for the grocery store. He loves nothing better than grabbing his own shopping cart and racing it down the isles. This also allows me to get my shopping done in peace. So, I'm comparing the price of a 12 shooter of bud light and coors when I hear this big crash and a howl of pain. With all the child haters in this world I figure I should go check on the brat, make sure someone isn't bullying him. Sure enough, some b**ch is talking harshly to my boy. She actually accused him of running into her.

"Hey woman, lay of my son……..he wouldn't do something like that"

"Your son is a bit young to be running around the store alone isn't he?"

"Is there a law against it?"

"He could hurt himself or someone else, not to mention causing damage"

"How many kids you got lady?"

"NONE? WHY Does it matter?"

"It's obvious you don't know s**t. Maybe you should be more considerate of the needs of families. You're a selfish b***h"

That shut her up. Anyway, little Mikie was upset so I opened a box of fruitsnacks for him to munch on….. He tasted one and spit it out. Hell, if he's not gonna eat them I'm sure as hell not gonna buy them….so I put them back on the shelf. Man, have you ever seen a 3 year old pick his nose? I swear, sometimes I think that kid has pulled his brain out. Anyway, He still wanted a snack so I let him go down the bulk candy isle. It's kind of like the McDonald's playland of the grocery store. He can actually touch all of the candy to see which he thinks is the best. He likes to open all the doors and collect all the those little 'shovels' and moves them all around. That keeps him busy for awhile so I go and checkout the magazine rack…. Anyway, I checking out the new issue of Guns and Ammo and some stock clerk interrupts me. It seems that Mikie is mixing up the different types of candy. The kid is so freakin cute, he's got chocolate smeared all over himself… can you get mad at something so cute? The clerk looks irritated so I figure we'll wrap things up (the game starts soon anyway…… ). We pass by the chip aisle (need some for game) and the boy beats up a few bags of Lays and Doritos……. They need to put those things up higher so they don't get all smashed up.

We get up to the check out counter and I'm pissed!!! Every register is full…….. Screw this. I'm using the express line. You know what would be a great idea: stores should create a family express line. If you have children and say less than 50 items….. You get to use that checkout. No kids, no sweat, the regular lines are still available….. And you can't possibly know what its like to have to take care of a family. Every little bit of time is important.

Thanks for listening everyone. Little Mikie will be starting school soon and I'm sure I'll have lots of stories for you. Have you noticed how high school taxes are? I'm getting the shaft on that deal.'

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