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Author: decath Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 743728  
Subject: Re: What kind of parents would you like to have? Date: 3/7/2005 9:54 AM
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tmeri:
And yet, look how good you turned out, in spite of that! I don't think most people would guess you had such a childhood. You've overcome a great handicap, and I commend you.


Thanks for the kind words tmeri!

I try to look at the positive side to it all. My dad did change as he got older and we have a decent relationship now. I just avoid certain subjects. My sister was born when I was 22 after I had moved out. They were much better parents to her and I appreciate that.

The weird thing about it all now is how my mom reacts. She denies a lot of the things that happened back when I was a kid. A few years ago, I started having repressed memories come back to me. The kind where you are doing something that reminds you of an activity or place you were at as a child. A few of the memories were particularly troubling because they involved getting hit in the face. I remember getting hit so hard once at the dinner table that it knocked me backwards off the chair. I got hit because I broke a dinner table rule by reaching across the table for something instead of asking for it.

During those memory recollections, I discussed it with mom and she said they did not happen. I started wondering if I was going nuts so I emailed some of my relatives who were there during some of the memories. In every single case, my recollections were either right on target or my memories were not as bad as what really happened! In other words, the tendency was for me to "sugar coat" it. One of my aunts told me of several things that happened that I don't remember but were particularly disturbing. My aunt said that they were all so afraid of my dad that it was hard to confront him. Anytime they would say something to him would just make things worse.

When I told my mom about my investigations, she denied everything and eventually caused some family problems between her, me and the relatives I talked to. I think accepting the truth would mean accepting partial responsibility herself since she sat by and let it happen. If I had ever hit one of my 3 kids in the face, I think my wife would go after me with a baseball bat. My mom was and still is a very weak person.

Anyway, enough of psycho 101! I have forgiven my parents even if they don't think they need it. There is nothing I can do about it. I just avoid talking about my childhood to them and I have to ignore things they say about it because when they start talking about the way I grew up, my BS detector and history revisionist indicator goes on alert every time.

decath
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