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Author: slakk Two stars, 250 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 1961  
Subject: To Wed, Flee, or Flounder? Date: 1/7/2009 12:15 PM
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Hello,

I have been dating the same woman for 7 (-1) years (we were broken up for a year).

I do indeed love her, and want her in my life for the rest of my life.
We get along great, have lots of fun together, and compliment each other well.

Even better we both love each other.

The only few arguements we ever have are over money-- usually her lack thereof.

However, I am not sure if I should ask for her hand for a few reasons.
I will list them from greatest to least-- with a financial point of view.

1. She is in debt and is going to file for bankruptcy (against my better advise). How would this effect my credit if I married a bankrupt person? My credit is so stellar it has its own solar system!

2. She is horrible with money. She takes home as much as I do, gets better tax deductions (earned income, 2kids, etc.), and has a more stable career path, but she cannot hold onto her cash or save at all.
Still has not opened a 401k, even though she now has a very good paying job in health care that provides all sorts of benefits and a 401k.

3. She is very stubborn to take advice on monetary issues. She will ask for my opinion, and I will give her the Foolish answer, but she will not follow through and spend off anyway.

4. I make good money (for now) and am saving substantially, trying to set an example. (When I quit smoking cigarettes, she was not far behind me to do the same)

5. She buys a lot of shoes.

6. She indulges her chilfren way too much. Its ok to reward for chores and good deeds, but a movie and xbox game a night from blockbuster, every night of the week, for a kid who doesn't lift a finger around the house is a waste of money and not very responsible.
I could go on, but here are the minor details...

both mid 30s
both take home 35k+

me- no debt, 50k mortgage
her- won't divulge debt, rents

me- non-custodial father, minimal child support payments
her- two kids, won't ask for child support from her ex, spends money like mad on kids. Also 3 cats and a mother.

me- small emergency fund 2k+
her- empty pockets

me- frugal $12 a month electric bill, walk when I can, ride scooter, motorcycle.
her- computers, lights, xboxes, wii on all day $100+ month electric bill, drives kids all over, doesn't maintain vehicle

To do this right, I would have to be able to support her, her two children (1 in HS, another Freshman in college on grants and student loans) 3 cats, her mother, my daughter and myself. I feel I cannot count on a dime from her were we to live in the same house and be together and that I would have to assume all bills, mortages, and debt.

I love her, the kids, mom, and the cats. But I just can't work out the numbers to a positive side with my current income to see myself in a marriage.
I feel I cannot count on her for any money, and the bankruptcy plan of her's really leaves a bitter taste, seeing as the debt is minimal and could be paid off with diligence on her own income if she were just Foolish about it. (aside from that, a lot of the debt, or the cherry on top was a savage burn from her ex on a credit card he charged after the divorce in her name that she refuses to go after him in court for, let alone alimony and/or child support-- she should have burned him on the alimony when she first got divorced-- hes scum)

What to do? What to do?
Any advice?
More questions?

How do I approach someone who gets very angry when talking about money and tell them "Hey, I want to marry you, but you have to balance your books and budget yourself into the black, save up an emergency fund and assure me you will be responsible with your money before I make that sort of commitment"???

Signed,
Floundering in Folly and Fooldom
aka
Slakk
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