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To the tune of "Scotland The Brave"

My name is Torquemada
My specialty torture and slaughtah,
Come on confess your terrible sins

I run the Inquisition,
I'm in the prime position
To make your life a total living Hell.

If you don't attend weekly Mass
I'll shove hot pokers up you a--
Then I will burn you up on the stake.

I'll sell you an indulgence Papal
Or by the bushel, it's our staple
If only you join the Mother Church.

If you refuse this deal
Your wounds will never heal
I'll make you curse the very day you were born.

But if you accept the Holy Father
(I'm sure it won't be a lot of bother)
I'll go away and leave you alone.

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