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Totally generic response the first one, just sappy enough for an op-ed piece. Although, not sure of your last line. You did way more than most people have by taking the time to play...I wouldn't berate yourself at the end...people want to know it turned out well...not that you are still upset with yourself. It may have been better to tell how you got the piece done, while STILL getting to play with the kids. More of happy, educational ending that way.

The second one does seem a tad on the confrontational...if you are writing to people to change their mind...maybe more of a conspiritorial or comradely(?) tone may work better.

(But then I am not a professional and only just joined a local writer's club and have like five ideas that are still in outline stage.)

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